User:Nortonius/Sandbox/Sandbox 2

List of people, places, publications, organisations, events and miscellanea referenced by Derek and Clive, in Peter Cook and Dudley Moore's original releases as "Derek and Clive" of Derek and Clive (Live) (1976), Derek and Clive Come Again (1977) and Derek and Clive Ad Nauseam (1978). Only first appearances are listed, though a number of figures, such as Adolf Hitler and Justin de Villeneuve, occur more frequently.

People[edit]

Attlee, Clement — in Derek and Clive Come Again, Track 14, "Having A Wank", where Clive had achieved sexual arousal by having drawn in a "huge moustache" on Attlee's chin, in a picture "on the windowsill"
Brezhnev, Leonid — in Derek and Clive Ad Nauseam, Track 7, "Russia", in which the General Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union from 1964 to his death in 1982 is described as "a cunt"
Callaghan, James — in Derek and Clive Ad Nauseam, Track 10, "Politics", in which Clive claims that Callaghan had "huge tits"
Churchill, Winston — in Derek and Clive (Live), Track 3, "The Worst Job He Ever Had", in which Derek describes his worst job as collecting Churchill's phlegm
Cleese, John — in Derek and Clive Ad Nauseam, Track 13, "The Horn", noted for his "handy fucking hints" on how to ensure post is delivered, a reference to UK television advertisements of the 1970s
Crawford, Joan — in Derek and Clive Come Again, Track 5, "Joan Crawford", in which Clive is "swept away by this huge gust of wind"
Crawford, Marion, or "Crawfie" — in Derek and Clive Come Again, Track 5, "Joan Crawford", as "the Queen Mother's nanny"
Cugat, Xavier — in Derek and Clive Ad Nauseam, Track 13, "The Horn", where Cugat is said possibly to have been in charge of a film crew making a documentary for BBC 2 on the subject of masturbation
De Villeneuve, Justin — in Derek and Clive Come Again, Track 4, ""Non-Stop Dancer/My Mum Song", in which Clive warns him to "watch out", but claims they are friends
Director-General of the BBC — in Derek and Clive Ad Nauseam, Track 13, "The Horn", in which Derek and Clive both assert that the Director-General will receive mail addressed only to "Cunt, London"
Driberg, Tom, Baron Bradwell — in Derek and Clive Come Again, Track 8, "Back Of The Cab", climbed into Clive's cab wearing "fine fishnet stockings" and accompanied by a "chicken"
Ezekiel — in Derek and Clive Ad Nauseam, Track 13, "The Horn", where Derek observes that Ezekiel has "got a lot to answer for"
Fish, Michael — in Derek and Clive Ad Nauseam, Track 13, "The Horn", where Derek suggests that "Mr. Fish" may have been in charge of the wardrobe for Pope John Paul I's funeral
Formby, George — in Derek and Clive (Live), Track 9, "Bo Duddley", through a song parodying Formby's "Leaning on a Lamppost"
Forsyth, Bruce — in Derek and Clive Ad Nauseam, Track 4, "Bruce Forsyth", in which it is claimed that Forsyth cannot be beaten on a Saturday night because he is "really chummy!"
Freud, Clement — in Derek and Clive Ad Nauseam, Track 10, "Politics", where both Derek and Clive say that they would vote for him if he had "a posy up his arse"
God — in Derek and Clive Come Again, Track 3, "Cancer", in which Clive comments negatively on God's "great gift of fucking cancer [without which] we wouldn't have a way to die"
Grenfell, Joyce — in Derek and Clive Ad Nauseam, Track 13, "The Horn", where Clive threatens to beat the Director-General of the BBC to death with his "horn" if "any more Joyce Grenfell repeats" are shown
Herodotus — in Derek and Clive Ad Nauseam, Track 13, "The Horn", where Derek says that Herodotus can "get fucked", with a meaning similar to "go fuck yourself"
Hindley, Myra — in Derek and Clive Ad Nauseam, Track 13, "The Horn", where Clive opines that she is a "lucky girl", owing to Lord Longford's "daily visits to see her" in prison
Hitler, Adolf — in Derek and Clive (Live), Track 3, "The Worst Job He Ever Had", where Winston Churchill is said to have threatened Hitler with a bogey as big as the RMS Titanic
Hulot, Monsieur — in Derek and Clive (Live), Track 5, "In The Lav", as "Masseur Hulot"
Jesus — in Derek and Clive (Live), Track 2, "This Bloke Came Up To Me", where "Jesus Christ" is used as an expletive
Jews — in Derek and Clive Ad Nauseam, Track 3, "T.V.", where Clive finds that, having watched the television mini-series Holocaust, he has slaughtered 18,000 Jews in Golders Green "before he realised it", citing this as an example of the influence of television over people's actions
John Paul I, Pope — in Derek and Clive Ad Nauseam, Track 13, "The Horn", in which Clive discloses that the sight of the pope lying dead on a catafalque gave him "the horn"
Kendall, Kenneth — in Derek and Clive Ad Nauseam, Track 13, "The Horn", where Kendall is "calm as a cucumber"
King, Jonathan — in Derek and Clive Ad Nauseam, Track 12, "Street Music", in which Clive sings a punk rock parody, and asks that it be sent to King
Lambert, Verity — in Derek and Clive Ad Nauseam, Track 13, "The Horn", where Clive suggests that Lambert may have been in charge of the wardrobe for Pope John Paul I's funeral
Longford, Lord — in Derek and Clive Ad Nauseam, Track 13, "The Horn", where Clive states that Longford gives him an erection: "I reckon it's the way he does his hair"
Mansfield, Jayne — in Derek and Clive (Live), Track 1, "The Worst Job I Ever Had", as a "very sensitive woman"
Matthew, St — in Derek and Clive Ad Nauseam, Track 13, "The Horn", where Clive believes it was Matthew who "thought it would be a bad idea, bad for the image", if the words "And lo! Jesus suddenly got the horn and wandered out of the Garden of Gethsemane and fucked himself stupid for twenty-eight years" were included in the Bible
Moon, Keith — in Derek and Clive Ad Nauseam, Track 13, "The Horn", where it is suggested that Moon's death by sedative overdose was the result of an attempt to achieve an erection at the thought of dying
Moriarty, Michael — in Derek and Clive Ad Nauseam, Track 3, "T.V.", in which "Michael Moriaty was very good as that, er, Nazi" in the television mini-series Holocaust
Newley, Anthony — in Derek and Clive (Live), Track 2, "This Bloke Came Up To Me", as "a wonderful human being"
O'Connor, Des — in Derek and Clive Come Again, Track 8, "Back Of The Cab", as a possible philosopher "who knows words and everything like that"
Paul, St — in Derek and Clive Ad Nauseam, Track 13, "The Horn", where Clive suggests that Paul ought to have said, "And Jesus went into the temple, had a piss, had a crap, [and] wiped his arse with the money-changers"
Picasso, Pablo — in Derek and Clive Come Again, Track 8, "Back Of The Cab", in which Clive recognised him immediately because he was "enigmatic"
Queen Mother, The, Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon, mother of Queen Elizabeth II and queen consort of King George VI of the United Kingdom — in Derek and Clive (Live), Track 5, "In The Lav", where she is asked to identify Clive's faeces by the "pong"
Redfern, Anthea — in Derek and Clive Ad Nauseam, Track 4, "Bruce Forsyth", where Clive, as Forsyth, tells "Anthea" to "come over here": Forsyth and Redfern were married from 1973 to 1979
Rogers, Ted — in Derek and Clive Ad Nauseam, Track 5, "Records", made Clive forget what he was doing
Russell, Bertrand — in Derek and Clive Come Again, Track 8, "Back Of The Cab", a "wide-headed cunt" who rode in the back of Clive's cab and farted twice
Russell, Jane — in Derek and Clive Come Again, Track 8, "Back Of The Cab", as a possible philosopher "who knows words and everything like that"
Shakespeare, William — in Derek and Clive Ad Nauseam, Track 1, "Endangered Species", where Clive bases a claim that whales are stupid on their failure to write the equivalent of Shakespeare's Othello
Sills, Beverly — in Derek and Clive Come Again, Track 5, "Joan Crawford", in which Beverly Hills is said to be close by
Thatcher, Margaret — in Derek and Clive Ad Nauseam, Track 10, "Politics", in which Clive claims that it would "really get the electorate going" if Thatcher gave "just a brief, tasteful glimpse of her vag"
Wagner, Richard — in Derek and Clive Come Again, Track 8, "Back Of The Cab", seen "large as life on the King's Road", a fashionable street in Chelsea, London, despite having been dead for "two hundred years"
Wagner, Robert — in Derek and Clive Come Again, Track 8, "Back Of The Cab", a confused suggestion by Clive as a possible case of mistaken identity by Derek for Richard Wagner

Places[edit]

Bahrain — in Derek and Clive (Live), Track 4, "Squatter And The Ant", described as "a pretty bloody place to be"
Bermuda Triangle — in Derek and Clive Come Again, Track 5, "Joan Crawford", better than being blown up Joan Crawford's cunt
Buckingham Palace, London — in Derek and Clive (Live), Track 5, "In The Lav", as the Queen Mother's home, from which she was able to smell Clive's faeces
Chadwell Heath, London — in Derek and Clive (Live), Track 12, "Cancer", as a location to which a character moved, owing to cancer
Earl's Court, London — in Derek and Clive (Live), Track 8, "Winkie Wanky Woo", as a suggested place of residence for Derek
Hampstead tube station, London — in Derek and Clive (Live), Track 5, "In The Lav", as "Hampstead tube"
Harlem, New York — in Derek and Clive (Live), Track 9, "Bo Duddley", as a place where a "gaily coloured plastic bag" may be bought
Islington, London — in Derek and Clive (Live), Track 5, "In The Lav", as Clive's place of residence
Kensington, London — in Derek and Clive Come Again, Track 8, "Back Of The Cab", as the residence of Tom Driberg, Baron Bradwell
"Madras" (now Chennai), India — in Derek and Clive (Live), Track 4, "Squatter And The Ant", as a locative tag for Squatter
Malibu, California — in Derek and Clive (Live), Track 1, "The Worst Job I Ever Had", as where Jayne Mansfield used to go bathing
Mallorca, Spain — in Derek and Clive (Live), Track 3, "The Worst Job He Ever Had", as a cruise destination
Russia — in Derek and Clive Ad Nauseam, Track 7, "Russia", in which Clive maintains that "[t]he [Russian] health service [of the Soviet era] is tremendous. As soon as you're ill they kill you."
Savoy Hotel, London — in Derek and Clive Come Again, Track 6, "Norman The Carpet", where being a carpet allows access upstairs without having to register
Scotland — in Derek and Clive Come Again, Track 12, "Ross McPharter", where farting is "a very important part of Scottish life"
Willesden, London — in Derek and Clive (Live), Track 12, "Cancer", as a location from which a character moved, owing to cancer
Zürich, Switzerland — in Derek and Clive Come Again, Track 2, "Coughin' Contest", as the location for a "World Coughing Championship"

Publications[edit]

A History of Western Philosophy, by Bertrand Russell — in Derek and Clive Come Again, Track 8, "Back Of The Cab", inaccurately referenced by Clive as "the history of the fucking Western World"
Book of Leviticus — in Derek and Clive Ad Nauseam, Track 13, "The Horn", where Clive mistakes the name of a book of the Bible for a person, "Leviticus", of whom he says, "What a cunt."
Health and Efficiency — in Derek and Clive Ad Nauseam, Track 1, "Endangered Species", in which Clive maintains that whales are "fucking stupid", citing as evidence their failure to produce the equivalent of Health and Efficiency
Leviathan — in Derek and Clive Ad Nauseam, Track 13, "The Horn", where Clive personifies a 17th-century book by Thomas Hobbes; the subject of the book is similarly personified in its frontispiece
Othello — see "Health and Efficiency"
The Sunday Telegraph — in Derek and Clive (Live), Track 4, "Squatter And The Ant", publishing the ant's memoirs

Organisations[edit]

Arsenal F.C. — in Derek and Clive (Live), Track 2, "This Bloke Came Up To Me", as "Arsenal"
BBC 2 — in Derek and Clive Ad Nauseam, Track 13, "The Horn", has to use "long fucking words", for example "masturbation" instead of "having the horn and wanking"
British Army — in Derek and Clive (Live), Track 8, "Winkie Wanky Woo", in which Clive had "never met anyone [in the Army] who really cared"
Labour Party — in Derek and Clive Ad Nauseam, Track 13, "The Horn", in which Clive expresses a desire to know what the Labour Party are going to do about "the fucking horn"
Norwich City F.C. — in Derek and Clive (Live), Track 11, "Top Rank", where they are described as "a team of fucking wankers"
Radio 3 — see "BBC 2"
Top Rank Ballrooms — in Derek and Clive (Live), Track 11, "Top Rank", in which the action takes place in one of a chain of dance venues operated under the "Top Rank" brand owned by the Rank Organisation
Tottenham Hotspur F.C. — in Derek and Clive (Live), Track 2, "This Bloke Came Up To Me", as "Spurs, Tottenham Hotspurs"
TUC — in Derek and Clive Ad Nauseam, Track 13, "The Horn", in which Clive suspects a lack of communication from James Callaghan regarding "the horn" was because he was "huddling with the TUC"
United Dairies — in Derek and Clive (Live), Track 12, "Cancer", as a business for which a character has begun working owing to cancer

Events[edit]

Sinking of the RMS Titanic — in Derek and Clive (Live), Track 3, "The Worst Job He Ever Had", in which the sinking is attributed to the ship in reality being one of Winston Churchill's bogeys, and therefore "not really seaworthy"
Spanish Revolution — in Derek and Clive Come Again, Track 5, "Joan Crawford", in which Derek finds Joan Crawford's "arsehole" to be blocked by "Spanish revolutionaries"
World War I — in Derek and Clive (Live), Track 8, "Winkie Wanky Woo", as "the First War", in which Clive's "winkie wanky woo" was shot off

Miscellanea[edit]

Andy Pandy — in Derek and Clive Ad Nauseam, Track 3, "T.V.", causes Clive to "jump in a glove and rush down the road"
Belgian — in Derek and Clive Come Again, Track 5, "Joan Crawford", as a language not spoken by Spanish revolutionaries
Boogie-woogie — in Derek and Clive (Live), Track 9, "Bo Duddley"
Braille — in Derek and Clive (Live), Track 10, "Blind", in which Clive misreads the word "Braille"
Cancer — in Derek and Clive Come Again, Track 3, "Cancer", in which Clive observes that he "wouldn't have thought of [cancer]" if he'd created the universe: "Bung in cancer? No, I'd have left that out."
Darts — in Derek and Clive (Live), Track 12, "Cancer", as a sport taken up by two characters owing to cancer
Epiglottis — in Derek and Clive Come Again, Track 5, "Joan Crawford", aggravated with a pencil by Derek as a means of exit from Joan Crawford's body
Jaffa cakes — in Derek and Clive Come Again, Track 7, "How's Your Mother?", in which it is established that Derek's mother does not like doing a "slalom" round them
Lucozade — in Derek and Clive (Live), Track 5, "In The Lav", as a play on the words "legal aid"
Mangle — in Derek and Clive (Live), Track 13, "Jump", a laundry aid in which Derek's Auntie Mabel caught her "left tit"
Osmosis — in Derek and Clive Come Again, Track 5, "Joan Crawford", as Derek's means of access to Joan Crawford's stomach
Sex crime — in Derek and Clive (Live), Track 8, "Winkie Wanky Woo", as the topic of the dialogue
Soul singers — in Derek and Clive (Live), Track 9, "Bo Duddley", these being American soul singers, whereas the UK has "our soul singers", pronounced as "arsehole singers"