User:Oshwah/RfA debrief

My RFA, to put it bluntly, was a nail-biter and it was a nerve-wrecking experience for me (and for reasonable and understandable reasons that I explain in detail below). I just remember feeling completely shocked and in absolute disbelief when I saw that it was closed as 'successful'. To give you some perspective: My RFA closed with 189 total votes, and with a support of 75.0% exactly. Any lower, and a "crat chat" would've been a justified closing action (even though the closing bureaucrat did not believe my RFA to be a borderline case). Shoot, the closing bureaucrat even had to add a statement to the top of my RFA to explain the reason and the rationale as to why they closed it as 'successful'. It certainly was not a fun and easy seven days for me, and I remember checking my RFA every day and constantly while it was open in order to see if I was going to pass or if I was going to fail.

Now, I'll be perfectly honest: Looking back at my RFA today, I can say that I was by no means a perfect candidate, and I probably shouldn't have passed. I was performing tasks that were not designated to be done by non-administrators, which was the main reason as to why my RFA gained so much opposition. I was "NAC'ing" abusive unblock requests made by LTA sock puppet accounts, and I also had been engaging in unofficial "clerking" at AIV - two behaviors that were agreed upon by a significant number of voters that I, as a non-administrator, should not have been doing. My personality and style of contributing to the project also gained some pause by voters who believed that my eagerness to help was "too much", and that I might rush into situations and take action too quickly and before I've given myself a chance to evaluate the entire situation beforehand. Have you ever met someone who was going to be considered for an important position or role in something, and their level of enthusiasm and eagerness to be given that position was so high that it left you thinking, "this person is crazy and is absolutely going to mess things up big time if they were given the role"? Yeah... I was that person.

Back in 2016, did I feel that the edits and behaviors that I engaged in should've drawn so much opposition to my RFA as it did? No. :-) I thought that it was a bit harsh and a bit unfair. My thought in a nutshell was, "as soon as the issues were brought to my attention on the RFA, I apologized to the community for those actions, and I agreed and promised that the NAC-closures of unblock requests would stop and would not continue... so what's the problem?" I of course held (and hold) absolutely no grudges or anything of that sort against anyone who opposed my RFA, and I simply just moved on after it was done. If anything, I was just extremely relieved that it ended and that I managed to pass (albeit barely). It was over, I was granted the admin tools, I was happy, and that was that...

Looking at my RFA now, five years later, I can say with true honesty that I have a much more greater understanding as to why such a large portion of the community was feeling the way that they did, and why my RFA managed to gain so much opposition. A lot happens in five years, and looking back at who I was in 2016, I think that the community was absolutely right with their thoughts and feelings, as well as their hesitation to support my application.

Today, I can say that, while I was definitely not what the community would consider a "perfect candidate" or a "shoo-in" back in 2016 and after these issues were discovered and discussed, I can say that I am very humbled and very pleased to have been able to pass my RFA and be given a chance to show the community that I would handle the tools and the responsibility with good judgment and care. Have I made mistakes since I've been an admin and with my admin tools? Of course... who hasn't? I'm not perfect and I will never be perfect. I'm just happy that, despite the growing opposition, community concerns, and hesitation due to my "eagerness", it was ultimately determined by consensus that I should be given a chance...