User:Viety

Viety, also commonly known as Biters, Mole or (when addressed during a particularly emotional speech) Jerkob, is a notorious brand of chocolate that has been sweeping the nation with delicious flavor and low calorie content. It is perhaps best known for its alleged association with the so-called "Blunder of '87", in which several tonnes of melted chocolate flooded the streets of several major cities including Los Angeles, Istanbul, and most tragically, Kosciusko, Mississippi, the birthplace of the fabled Oprah Winfrey. Today, only one Viety Chocolate factory remains, but due to security reasons, its location remains undisclosed.

History

Viety was founded and trademarked in June of 1865 by Mortimer O'Viety, a French immigrant to the United States. Throughout his life, he had been experimenting with the juices of arminhammer fruits hoping to produce a substance that could eradicate all illness known to man. O'Viety's many failed attempts that usually resulted only in the production vile fluid which he named "flavaflav" angered him into destroying his lab equipment on dull rocks outside his musty cabin. The fluid settles overnight and coagulated into a smooth, brown substance. O'Viety could not overcome his curiosity and tasted the fluid. He described the feeling as "millions of angels singing in an immaculate chorus in [his] mouth." He immediately began replicating this mysterious process creating many barrels full of this mysterious brown substance, keeping it for himself and close friends.

Blunder of '87

In 1987, Viety, who, due to business reasons, dropped the "O" in his name, had just celebrated the hundred year anniversary of his delicious chocolate product. (He describes the year 1954 as "not Harpo" explaining the absence of one year) The success unfortunately began to deteriorate his mental status and caused him to go on baby-stealing rampages. He repeated the mantra "I want your babies!" during things as trivial as games of hearts. His business advisor, known only as Bryce, encouraged him to back off his infantile desires. Viety was reported as saying "The Bryce is right" and agreed hesitantly, though that would lead to his mental downfall.

In a psychotic rage, Viety directed the output of his chocolate machinery into the streets of several major cities. Up to 153,000 people were swept into the chocolate river, resulting in the death of at least half the victims. As expected, Viety's sales plummeted, forcing him to go bankrupt.

Other theories state that it was not Viety who flooded the street, but the mole on his face who took control of the frail old man's mind. This mole (know as Billy) is now a superstar in his own world. (What Can Billy Do For You?)

Millenium Downfall

After his blunders in the '80s, Viety knew his time in the chocolate biz was over. His noticeable smile and recognizable stride were attributes he could not readily dispose of. Luckily, as the '90s approached, Viety's business mind was attracted to an upcoming phenomena that would become the staple of the century, the Internet. In the years to come, he would hop on to the cyberspace fast lane and create a new identity with he which he would rule.

By the turn of the century, Viety had come to turns with his obsession with furries and had created an industry pockmarked with various successes in the newly popular medium of MMORPGs. Taking into account their incredible popularity with the youth of humanity, Viety turned to subliminal hypnotism in an attempt to create legions of minions for his prophesized Army of the Banish-ed. However, this action would later prove to be his downfall. Viety soon became entranced by a particularly enticing MMORPG commonly known as WoW, or World of Warcraft. He would soon develop a Class 5 addiction to WoW. This class of addiction is generally characterized by:

The voluntary devotion of time within the game exceeding 1/3 of a fiscal year.
The distortion of reality to the degree of loss of original persona to a more favored one.
The formation of a chemical imbalance in the brain causing an unnatural tendency for sexual attraction towards select anthropomorphic beings.
The use of words such as 'I just pwned j00r face open' and 'Viety FTW, you FTL!'
Having relationships with many French Canadian people

Today

Today Viety has lost his class 5 addiction to WoW. Having an addictive personality, he now enjoys the art and soul of music. Which he listens to Pink Floyd, Metallica, and Slayer, which helps him to cope with the lost of over 150 days played on WoW. He also spends his time shooting video for a third world country dictator named simply as The Flash. Where he now has done 3 videos with other slaves to The Flash, including 'the lonely locker', 'NDN Box', and helped write and direct an up coming documentary on the FCAT

Viety is notable for his lack of responsibility which is mainly the result of spelling errors. With his super spelling friend Vance, anything can be done between the two, yet they bicker at each other like girls, the only one to keep the two at a standstill is the all mighty Armin, who calms them down with low doses of Anime.

Favorite Quotes

"Well, we got a nice shot of a hot girl" "Why we are in TV" - Armin

"Birds, they sing for some people" - Grandma Berg

"The hardest thing in life to do, is to learn what you have to do" - Jacob "Viety" Stewart

"I DID IT!" - Hiro

"The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which" - George Orwell - Animal Farm