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Marriage in Ancient Egypt

Ancient Egyptians regarded marriage as a personal matter that required no religious or legal ceremony. There is no Egyptian word meaning wedding, no specific bridal clothing and no exchange of rings like what is to be customary in most of today’s societies (Tyldesley 20) Therefore, we can deduct that marriage was purely a social arrangement that regulated property. Defining marriage in Ancient Egypt is yet debatable among scholars. Some formal recognition of marriage existed for the common citizens- not for religious or legal reasons but it was for the sake of financial concerns to do with properties (Brewer 1). The commonest word for “marry” was grg pr, which refers to “to establish a household” or to “live together”. This perhaps an indication of that marriage was about setting up of a communal household (Robbins 56). A woman was acknowledged as a wife when she physically leaves her father’s property and enters her new home (Tyldesley 21). Equally, divorce was expressed in terms of “expulsion” or “departure” of that house (Robbins 56).

The new husband named a H3y, he assumed the father’s role of protecting and caring for his bride although he in no way became her legal guardian (Tyldesley 21). He gained for himself a household and a wife who would bear him children and run the household completely. A woman was called a “Hmt” and was given the title “mistress of the house” (23) as the house was considered to be her special domain. In due course, a wife would share her husband’s tomb. In many statues and reliefs, a wife was depicted more or less the same size as her husband. It is an artistic convention that meant she was considered of equal importance. Also, in many inscriptions on the tombs’ walls, or on the bases of statues, a wife ‘s name was often prefixed with “mrt.f” means “his beloved”. This indicates that affection and love was the norm between husband and his wife (Watterson).

Many monuments dating to the New Kingdom show the social organization in Ancient Egypt and how family groups centered around the concept of man, woman, and their children (Robbins 56). The aim of marriage was not only for the woman and man to enjoy their relationship, but rather they strived more towards forming a family (Baber 410). To produce a large brood of children was every Egyptian’s dream. Ancient Egyptians were so keen to produce a family as they expected their children to maintain their tombs and make ancestral offerings following their death (Tyldesley 23). Pictures frequently show a husband and his wife in an affectionate attitude. We see many reliefs of a married couple sitting together on the double chair with their children grouped around them. (Baber 411)

Marriage was considered a sacred bond between partners. Each partner had to do his or her duties towards the other whether on the material or the moral side. On the material side, a husband had to provide his wife with the life necessities such as food, clothes, perfumes and creams. On the moral side, he had to respect her, love her, faithful to her and always consider her feelings. The position of the wife in Ancient Egypt was considerably high. Many Egyptologists state that a wife was on equality with her husband and was always treated with great honor and consideration (Baber 411). It is salutary to note that beating a wife or forcing her to be obedient was never mentioned in the Ancient Egyptian’s wisdom literature. Conversely, it is always mentioned that a husband should never treat his wife as if he is her master. He was not to give her orders unnecessarily. Also, in case a woman gets sick, her husband has to provide her cure through medicines without caring for the expenses. The following is an instruction given by Ptahhotep:

“Love your wife in the house, feed and clothe her, provide her with perfume and oil as a cure for her body. Make her heart happy and all her life-for she is a fruitful field for her master” (Lichthein 61)

Another instruction given by the wise Ani:

"Do not exaggerate in giving orders to your wife at home as long as you know she is virtuous. Don’t ask her where this or that is, and don’t order her to bring a thing to you. Observe her ways in silence." (Fayad 141)

It is clear from the numerous love poems in ancient Egyptian literature that emotion played an important role in the lives of Egyptians of both sexes. Thus, the abundance of love poetry between young people signifies that many couples did fall in love and choose each other as mates. Occasionally, two people in love could even persuade a king to change his plans. A story told on a papyrus that is in Cairo Museum of a son and daughter of a pharaoh named Mernebptah. They were his only children and the king proposed to marry his son, Neneferkaptah, to the daughter of a general. Neneferkaptah and Ahwere loved each other and wanted to marry; and do Ahwere asked her father’s chief steward to intercede for her (Watterson 56). The steward did so and King Mernebptah became distressed but eventually allowed Ahwere to marry his daughter for the sake of their love. Moreover, marriage arrangement existed in Ancient Egypt. A suitor sometimes used a woman in the family to approach the girl’s mother to ask her for her support (Watterson 57)

The Age of Marriage

There are no texts that specify the legal marital age for a girl or a boy. However, we can deduce that it was never below the age of fifteen for the girl because she would not be eligible before the onset of menstruation (Tyldesley 21). A document associated to the 26th dynasty records a father’s refusal to agree on his daughter’s wedding stating that “her time has not yet come”, which supports this view (Tyldesley 21). The marrying age of males was probably a little older, perhaps 16 to 20 years of age, because they had to become established and be able to support a family.

For example, the Wise “Ani” recommended youth men to get married at a young age, considering that their life span was relatively short. Ani said:

“Marry while you are young as to give birth to a son in order to be able to reach him in your youth how he may be useful. For happy is a person who raises a big family and who is respected because of his successful children”

Also, in the late period, we see Ankh-Sheshenki giving an advice for his son to marry early.

"Choose a wife at the age of twenty and beget children when you are young"

So we notice from the texts that boys would marry as soon as they attain their adulthood in order to live a normal life and produce a family. Moreover, celibacy was not accepted in Ancient Egypt, as is the case in our today’s world. The girl was considered mature for marriage upon reaching adolescence. No doubt that at this young age, a girl is ignorant of responsibility of matrimony. Therefore, her husband had to teach her the secrets of marriage and the rules of the house (Fayad 160)

Suitability in Marriage

Herodotus mentions in his book that the Ancient Egyptian declared that wouldn’t marry his daughter to a “pig’s herdsman”. From this statement we can conclude that the employment and social status of a suitor were very important criteria in marriage. In some of fragmented texts found, there is information that the Ancient Egyptian chose to marry from his own social class. Likewise, a father would prefer that his daughter would marry a person from the same profession (Fayad 161). Here are some evidences: According to the marriage contracts found in Thebes dating to the late period, the daughters of the priests were to be married to priests. For example, in the story of “ Beti Aisit”, we see a young employee working on the temple of Amun, who wanted to marry the daughter of a priest who worked at this temple. The thing is that he had to bring documents that prove his father to be priest as Beti Aisit who is the girl’s father, stated: "The time of marrying her has not come yet, therefore you have to become one of Amun’s priests and then I shall give her to you" Later, the employee got the required documents that demonstrate him and his father to be priests. Then, Beti Aisit gave him his consent and the young man married the girl (Fayad 161). Moreover, in the late period, it was related in the story of Nefer Kaptah that a prince chose one of the leaders of the army to marry his daughter. From this, we can infer that army officers were to be from the elite of the society. However, there are some exceptions where some marriages were allowed even if the husband was of an inferior rank than that of the woman’s father (Fayad 161).

Marriage between Siblings and Relatives

There is a widespread myth that the Ancient Egyptian married his sister. This is true only for marriages in royal families and was done merely for political and social reasons (Middleton 603). Marriage between brothers and sisters was to preserve the purity of the royal bloodline, keep privilege and rank rigidly within the group and to emphasize their divine status (Tyldesley 22). As for the normal citizens, this sort of marriage was neither widespread nor legal. There are several reasons behind such common belief. First of all, in old kingdom’s literature, especially those in love, often address each other as “brother” and “sister”. A wife was called “ the beloved of her husband, and his sister”(605). Likewise, there are songs of love and affection where the lover is described as “brother” but this is was the Ancient Egyptians’ way to show the close relationship between the two lovers, a demonstration of pride and appreciation. It is clear then that these terms are not to be taken literally, but rather indicating affection that is not necessarily between siblings (Watterson 57). Besides, the word for “brother/sister” in Egyptian, sn/snt also means “equal” or “mate”. On the other hand, marriage between siblings was usual and frequent among the royal families. In fact, it became one of the major habits in the ruler’s house as in the case of Amenhotep IV and Ramses II who got married to their daughters (Middleton 602). Purely political and social reasons were behind such phenomenon. Obviously, the most important reason was to preserve the reign of a king for his sons so that outsiders wouldn’t usurp it. Several Egyptologists suggest that the custom of marriage between siblings had its origin in the religious system. The only example of marriage of Gods between brother and sister was in the myth of Isis and Osiris as they were beloved Egyptian Gods and highly respected among people (Middleton 603). So this myth was to demonstrate the close relationship between the two and also the show the faithfulness of Isis and how she spent her lifetime searching for her husband’s body. However, it marriage between siblings was neither accepted nor common among the normal citizens (Fayad 163). Moreover, Ancient Egyptians did not prohibit marriage between relatives. Marriage between cousins was considered a legal and a normal procedure. In addition, it has been suggested that a man usually remarries his deceased wife’s sister. One reason for such close kin marriage was to prevent the disintegration of family property (Robbins 63). However, what is surprising is that there evidence of marriages between a girl and her paternal or maternal uncle. In one of the Tombs of the New Kingdom, a text that was found asserted the tomb’s owner’s daughters were married to his brother. Also, in some marriage contracts dated to the Ptolemaic Period, it is mentioned that a girl married her uncle. However, these are very minor examples and were not commonly practiced (Fayad 164).

Polygamy

Polygamy was known but was uncommon. Yet, it was not illegal in Ancient Egypt. During the old kingdom, only the pharaoh had the right to practice polygamy and to have “harem” (Baber 410). In the 15th and 16th dynasties, there were few examples of polygamy where a man had ten wives and another one had six wives. An example of it is Mriaa, a man who was married to six women, declared that Iyes his first wife had a special position in the home and that his other wives and their children should obey and revere her (Fayad 164). However, during the New Kingdom, with the widespread of democracy it became more popular among the commoners (Fayad 164). In addition, we often find cases where married are allowed to have sexual relations with female servants or other women in the household who were socially inferior. For example, we can see pictures on tomb walls dating to the 18th dynasty representing children born to mothers other than the owner’s wife suggesting that the head of the house might have had access to other women (Robbins 65). There are different drawings that represented polygamy. In some cases, we see each wife pictured alone with her husband and in other cases the husband was represented with all of his wives. Maybe this sort of representations was to show that the husband didn’t marry all the women at the same time but one wife after another. Or perhaps the first wife was divorced or dead and then he got married to another (Watterson 68). An example of polygamy was proved on a papyrus dated from the time of King Ramses when a case of thieves of tombs was discussed in the court. A gold worker named Ramose was accused of the tomb’s robbery. His wife “Motamhab” was asked to witness against her husband but she stated that they were four wives; two of them had died while the third one is living so she asked that they would call her to testify. She also stated that her husband didn’t bring gold to her house. This proves that each wife lived in a separate house. In the New Kingdom, the wives seemed to have lived in separate houses. But, in the Middle Kingdom, they seemed to be accommodated in the same place altogether with their children (Fayad 165). In general, the Egyptian man tried to treat all of his wives equally and fairly (Fayad 165). However, in some cases the first wife had priority over the others. For example, a legal document based on the law of Assiut, if a man married and wrote a will to give all of his fortune to his wife and she gave birth to a son, if this man dies, his fortune would be given to the son of the first wife to whom has the document. Another example was that a man married to six women declared that his first wife has the special leading position in the home and that the other wives should obey and respect her (Fayad 165).

Marriage with Foreign Women

There is no legal prohibition to marry a foreign woman. In fact, some kings married women from foreign countries in order to strengthen the political and social relations between both countries. However, it is well established that Ancient Egyptian men refused to marry their daughters to foreign men. For example, Amenhotep III who himself married many Asiatic women, was surprised when King “Metani” asked him to send him some Egyptian women to include them in his harem. He certainly refused his request. This demonstrates the difference between men and women concerning marriage with foreigners and how it was prohibited on the part of women. However, this attitude changed dramatically during the Ptolemaic period. Several marriages between Egyptian women and foreigners who were born in Egypt occurred. A scene from Tel El Amarna displays an Egyptian woman siting by her Syrian Husband who is shown drinking (Fayad).

Trial Marriage

Since having children was a significant factor in marriages. The arrival of a son or a daughter to a married couple is not guaranteed. Hence, some men preferred to do a “year of eating” or in other words a trial marriage in order to ascertain if a woman could have children (Watterson 66). There is a very unique text mentioned on a papyrus dated to the Ptolemaic period in which was written “ Trial marriage contract”. Here is the text: “In the First day of the third month of the second season of the sixteenth year. Ba sher, son of the herdsman of ducks, Khanso Tout told Tamin Ta daughter of Ba Mont: “ I give you in front of the God Hathor, two pieces of silver that are worth ten astours and two other pieces of silver or twenty astours in front of the Gods so that you can come to my house from this day until the first days of the fourth months of the first season of the second year. If you ask me to return you back to your home before the time convened, then you shall have to pay me back the four pieces of silver. But, if I decide that you leave my house then, I must pay you the four pieces of silver, which I have given to the representative of the treasury, Ba Sher Anib” (Fayad 167)

This contract was registered and signed by the parties involved. The terms included in this contract was that a man would receive the woman in his home for 9 months. Possibly, this trial marriage was done to beget children for the man. A trial contract includes financial conditions, which would break the agreement between the partners involved in the case these conditions were not followed.

Marriage Contracts

We recognize that marriage in Ancient Egypt was verbally settled. It depended on acceptance between the partners and the announcement of the marriage as well as living together in one house. However, with many findings of marriage contracts it is logical to assume that Ancient Egyptians found security in affirming marriages a precaution against denials and disputes regarding inheritance. A type of marriage settlement that was favorable to the wife was the “sS n sanx” meaning, “document of causing to live”. Most of the examples come from the cities of Memphis, Siut and Thebes. In this particular document, a husband undertook to support his wife in every way and to pay her an allowance that was calculated annually but paid monthly. This element of maintenance was a known concept of marriage in Ancient Egypt as we can see in Ptahhotep’s advice to a man to fill the belly and clothe the back of his wife. Marriage contracts included several items and condition however it is not necessary that all of the contracts must include the same items and conditions as others (Fayad171-180). A marriage contract would initially contain the following elements:

a. Date: The day, the month, the year of the reigning King during which the contract was edited.
b. Parties of the Contract: They are the husband, his name, his father’s profession while the other party was the wife’s father, his name, profession, employment, his father’s name, the wife’s name and her mother’s name.
c. Contents of the contract include:
1. The form: the formula for the marriage was that a limited person entered the house of definite person.
2. The Bride Marriage Dowry: this includes pieces of silver and a known quantity of corn.
3. Financial settlement: stating the obligations of the husband in case of divorce or separation.
4. Confirmation: the contract is signed and ratified by a covenanter and witnesses.

Divorce

Ancient Egyptians regarded marriage as a source of happiness, stability and continuity of life but they were also aware that in some cases the continuation of a marriage was impossible as in the occasions of loss of love, misunderstanding, disagreement or harmony between them. In these cases, Egyptians understood that divorce is a must (Fayad 197). Thus, divorce was an accepted matter either from the part of man or woman. An interesting fact is that there was no stigma attached to the remarriage of a divorced or widowed woman. Once a married couple is divorced, both of them can look for happiness in a second marriage (Robbins 67). Also, divorce was legally permitted unlike many civilized nations that still do not permit divorce nowadays.

The actual divorce was simple. A man had to recite the following:

"I have dismissed you as a wife, I have abandoned you, I have no claim on earth upon you. I have said to you, take a husband for yourself in any place in which you will go"

A divorce seemed an easy process in theory, though; social, financial and family pressures sometimes have persuaded against a couple’s divorce. Also, the settlement that was drawn between the partners may have required financial penalties that were so punitive that legal separation was impractical (Watterson 71).

The most common reasons for divorce were: The wife’s inability to bear children or more specifically to beget her husband a son. Secondly, the man wishes to marry someone else or the fact that the woman simply stopped to please him or that the wife committed adultery (Robbins 63) Just as marriage was not seen as a matter for state intervention Divorce was as well a private matter, and for the most part, the government did not interfere, unless upon the request of the divorcees. (Tyldesley 23) For example, a wife has the right to accuse her husband to the courts and might also request to divorce him for injury whether physically or mentally. If he was to ignore the court’s warning, he could be sentenced to a hundred lashes and in some cases he has to forfeit everything that his wife had contributed to their joint wealth. In addition, in case of divorce, a man has to return his wife her dowry “nkwt n shmt” and also has to give her compensation and a share of any property they had acquired during their marriage. Instead, if the divorce was originated from the wife’s part then she seems to have forfeited her right to a share of the communal property (37) and she is the one that has to pay the compensation (Watterson 72). For instance, a text from (Ostracon Petrie 18) recounts the divorce of a woman who abandoned her sick husband, and in the resulting judgment she was forced to renounce all their joint property (Brewer 1).

Although the previous statements described the ancient Egyptians’ dealings with divorce, however, this doesn’t mean that Egyptians took refuge in divorce but on the contrary they regarded it as a great evil and the way of the fool (Fayad 197).

References

• Baber, Ray. "Marriage and family in Ancient Egypt." University of North Carolina Press. Social Forces.
• Brewer, Douglas, and Emily Teeter. "Marriage and the Family." Cambridge University Press. Fathom.Web.
• Fayad, Mohamed. The Ancient Egyptian Women. 1st ed. Cairo: Star Press, 1998. 241. Print.
• Lichtheim, Miriam. Ancient Egyptian literature : a book of readings . 2006. 1. Berkeley,CA: University of California Press, 61. Print.
• Middleton, Russel. "Brother-Sister and Father-Daughter Marriage in Ancient Egypt."American Sociological Review. 27.5 (1962): Web.
• Robins, Gay. Women in Ancient Egypt. 1st ed. Great Britain: Harvard University Press, 1993. 201. Print.
• Tyldesley, Joyce. "Marriage And Motherhood In Ancient Egypt." History Today 44.4 (1994): 20. Academic Search Complete. Web.
• Watterson, Barbra . Women in Ancient Egypt. 2nd edition. Saint Martin's Press, 1991. 201. Print.