User talk:Apiazza97/sandbox

Lead Section Comments: In your first sentence of your lead, you did a good job of identifying what your subject is and a clear idea of the geographical location but I would strive to also include a brief description of why this region is significant. (example: located in... and is known for...)

"Napa Valley is considered one of the premier wine regions in the world, and as a result wine produced in the Napa Valley with grapes grown in the region is sold at a premium" I would consider revision of this sentence perhaps by breaking it into different sentences entirely. What does a "premier wine region" mean? What are examples of other regions if this is only one of them? What does "sold at a premium" exactly mean? Since Wikipedia is used by virtually anyone, you must assume that your reader has no idea what these terms mean. If you feel that this would hinder the flow of the article however, you could also consider linking to other pages where these terms are defined in their own right. That way a reader has the opportunity to understand all components of your article.

I would try to add in a sentence between these two points in your first paragraph of the lead. The last sentence seems a bit awkward to jump to and I think adding in a sentence to bridge the two would help the flow of the article. "Napa Valley is considered one of the premier wine regions in the world, and as a result wine produced in the Napa Valley with grapes grown in the region is sold at a premium (Hira and Swartz).[4] Records of commercial wine production in the region date back to the nineteenth century,[5] but premium wine production dates back only to the 1960s"

"The wine industry in Napa Valley recovered, and helped by the results of the Paris Wine Tasting of 1976, came to be seen as capable of producing the best quality wine – equal to that of Old World wine regions. Napa Valley is now a major enotourism destination." After reading this sentence through a few times, I could make sense of it but it was pretty confusing the first time through. I would consider revising the sentence to make it clearer and less choppy.

Overall, your lead section seems pretty solid. I don't have the entire article to read from, but I do think that your lead effectively summarizes what the article would be about (judging from your subsections). I did not identify controversies but also do not personally know if any exist. You also succeeded in creating an informative lead without making an advertisement for a topic that easily could have been.

TOC Comments: I would consider combining the sections "Wine and Culture" and "Culture of Quality". They seem pretty related. I think you could perhaps put "Modernization of a Traditional Industry" as a subsection in History.

Economic Section Comments: This is just a draft, but be sure to include sources within your article for the final product. Amy Lainez (talk) 21:56, 18 November 2016 (UTC)