User talk:Carlosesca
| This user is a student editor in University_of_California,_Berkeley/African_Politics_(Spring_2020) . |
Welcome!
[edit]Hello, Carlosesca, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with Wiki Education; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 17:43, 25 February 2020 (UTC)
Peer Review
[edit]Hi!
I think your article is a really solid start and I'm excited to see the final product! Very cool and interesting topic! A few things: 1) I find that the lead can be a bit repetitive, but I don't see this as posing an issue for the future, since it'll probably become more solid, succinct, and specific as you start to flesh out your article more. Make sure you're addressing why this is an important and cool topic (because it certainly is)! I think you can cut the first sentence too, since it is not specific to your topic. I also would like ask if you intend on describing the regional differences in your article, and if not, I'd recommend removing that sentence from your lead. 2) I love the structure you've chosen and how it goes from the history and relevant background information into the specifics of witchcraft and its impacts today. I also appreciate the breakdown into relevant sections and I think the organization is very clear and easy to follow. 3) I find that the music section is a bit unclear right now. What songs are these, and who sings them? What is the influence of music on Ghanaian culture? 4) I'm also curious if you could incorporate more viewpoints into your article, as your sources seem primarily Western (which makes total sense; I struggled with this too). I also thought it seems like you could be leaning toward one viewpoint on witchcraft, which is that it has led to violence (ie abuse of women) and general fearfulness in Ghana. Are there sources that say otherwise, even if this is the majority view? What do people who practice witchcraft have to say about it? Are there positive sides/impacts of witchcraft and the practice of it? I am no expert on the topic, but you do mention that the history is long, so that leads me to believe in the potential of different possibilities, and maybe these viewpoints have changed over time as well. If possible, a discussion of this would really elevate your article to the next level! 5) There are also pieces of the article that feel like they are argumentative: I've noted a few below. I had a hard time avoiding this and maybe even did it subconsciously in my own article! I think most of it could be fixed by slapping a source at the end lol "It has promoted violence, tradition, and spiritual beliefs"- implies causation, which is an argument "Hearing about the topic through music adds to it's broader relevance in it's culture"- this sounds a little like an opinion to me "The constant negativity relating to the subject supports the fear in witchcraft engraved in Ghanaian culture, leading to acts of violence as a response to possible threats, rumors, and observations." This is another implication of causation, so maybe consider rephrasing
Overall, this is a really good start for what will be a strong article with a fascinating topic. I look forward to reading it! Hprior (talk) 00:41, 5 April 2020 (UTC)