User talk:Carolynyoung31
| This user is a student editor in University_of_California,_Berkeley/African_Politics_(Spring_2020) . |
Welcome!
[edit]Hello, Carolynyoung31, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with Wiki Education; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 17:44, 25 February 2020 (UTC)
Peer Review
[edit]Hi! I'm stoked about your topic and I find it really interesting! A few things:
1) Remember to add or update the lead once you're finished revising the article to include your additions! It looks like there isn't really one in the original article, or that it's very long, so either way, don't forget to revise it once you're finished sprucing it up :)
2) You do a good job of staying neutral and portraying information without a slant/argument. I did catch one sentence though that read a little argumentative in nature and flagged that here: "Mmanwu is an important way..." This kind of implies an argument and might indicate that other ways are less important. Maybe consider rephrasing?
3) I think this could be organized a little bit stronger, but I also think you'll be able to do that part once you've fleshed it all out, since the original author of the article didn't really break it up into categories for you. I have no doubts that this is already a part of your plan of attack!
4) You also mention a second and third category of Mmanwu, but it is unclear what the first category is. It is also unclear what the categories refer to. Categories of what?
5) I'm really impressed with your writing style! The tone and word choice are perfect for Wikipedia: very succinct, clear, direct, and easy to understand. I really feel like I am getting what Mmanwu is and the significance of the practice, and there were no parts of you writing that I found unclear or could be tightened up to be more succinct. Great job!
6) I'm personally curious about the history of the practice from reading your article. How long as this been a practice, and how has it changed over time? Is this a recent practice, or is it one from a long time ago? Is it still being practiced today? If possible, I'd consider adding a section on history since it could be a very strong/interesting addition to your already strong article.
Overall, great work! This is really shaping up to be a great article, and I really admire your writing style and tone as an author. Good luck as you keep writing!Hprior (talk) 00:53, 6 April 2020 (UTC)