User talk:Charlieaabrams/sandbox
This is a really good start the facts all seem to make sense and go with the wikipedia page we are working on. My only concern is the beginning of the third sentence seems to be formatted in an awkward fashion and could be worded in a more concise manner. Larainal (talk) 01:21, 1 April 2019 (UTC)
This is a good paragraph and you made many specific examples which is helpful to the reader. However, your sentence structure could be tighter and not as wordy. Sallyfried (talk) 01:22, 1 April 2019 (UTC)
Your writing is, but you should add a title to this paragraph.1oromo (talk) 12:19, 1 April 2019 (UTC)
For the sentence, "The individual actions of countries and the individual cities within these countries, have been making significant efforts..." I don't think you need the comma after countries. Also, for the sentence," As countries develop more strategies to promote clean and renewable energy and ways of living, places within the United States such as California are making reform with true impact," I think commas could be added around "such as California" so the sentence is more clear. Also, more internal links could really help enhance your page. Mtatherton18 (talk) 14:24, 3 April 2019 (UTC)
If I were you, I would add in some hyperlinks for greater clarity. You could also organize your information into subtopics by country under the topic Efforts to Mitigate the Effects of Climate Change. --Ghurley1 (talk) 14:25, 3 April 2019 (UTC)
You could adjust your sentence structure a bit, some sentences could be split up otherwise you get lost in the commas a little. Caranlee (talk) 14:25, 3 April 2019 (UTC)
Overall this is a good paragraph. The one suggestion I have is to be more fact driven in the end. The end of the paragraph seems a little dry.Samwolff450 (talk) 14:26, 3 April 2019 (UTC)
Overall, good job! In the first paragraph, I think you have a comma where you do not need one. Also, be careful not to start two consecutive sentences with the word "although." I would also add in some more internal links to make it more thorough. Montananelson (talk) 14:37, 3 April 2019 (UTC)
I think your page could benefit with the use of links (IE the Paris Agreement, Trump), mostly the simple things that people from other countries may not know about. Other than that, your page is great! Maddywright (talk) 14:43, 3 April 2019 (UTC)
Good. "As countries develop more strategies to promote clean and renewable energy and ways of living, places within the United States such as California are making reform with true impact." Suggestion: As countries develop more strategies to promote renewable energy and clean ways of living, states are making an impact with legislative reform. - This is a little run on: "Although Trump has successfully removed the U.S. from the Paris Agreement, other states such as New York have been creating greener spaces by installing more solar panels and creating 'green building' which mitigate pollution in an effort to make a New York city 'cleaner'." Suggestion: In New York, governments continue to invest in greener spaces, despite US removal from the Paris Agreement <-- [link to that]. Action like installing more solar panels and creating 'green buildings' attempt to mitigate pollution, for a cleaner city. I think river basin para needs to be rearranged.Mlazarus14 (talk) 14:56, 3 April 2019 (UTC)
Try not repeating "individual" The individual actions of countries and the individual cities within these countries. Consider using a different introductory sentence to 2nd paragraph. Also insert more interwiki links to explain some of the concepts.Barborale (talk) 16:59, 5 April 2019 (UTC)
I think you should change "...countries and the individual cities" to "countries and cities." You could also add more internal links (California, United States, Trump, Columbia River Basin, etc.) to make the information clearer for the reader. Overall, good job!Dmastronardi (talk) 18:38, 7 April 2019 (UTC)
You could use more links, however it looks good Dougsitt (talk) 03:42, 10 April 2019 (UTC)