User talk:ChiDoc0517/sandbox

Comments

(jgill224)

Thank you for your suggestions! I have included more citations and hyperlinks. I also simplified more of the terminology.

--ChiDoc0517 (talk) 04:11, 16 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Im not sure if the abstract was already on the page but its a bit wordy. If it wasn't originally there i would shorten it a bit because most of that information will be in the subheadings below.
The molecular biology section should be included in mechanism instead of causes.
More hyperlinks are needed.
References to images may help signify where they come into play
Overall, This is an amazing wikipedia page and looks professional. There is a lot of good information present and it is very well organized. I did not find any grammatical errors. Great job!

--Aatiqanoman5683 (talk) 18:28, 14 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for your suggestions! I have shortened the abstract as much as possible, however the purpose of the abstract is to provide a brief summary of the entire document while highlighting key points, which I have done.
I did not merge the molecular biology section into the mechanisms section because the original page had it structured that way.
I have included clear and concise captions under each image so that the reader can understand what they mean (i.e., autosomal recessive inheritance)

--ChiDoc0517 (talk) 04:11, 16 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Try to make this more lay accessible. Obviously, there is jargon that needs to be here and specific terms that need to be used. However, try to simplify the language other places, link to all specific terms, and define the particularly important ones.
Needs a lot more links to other articles.
All your enzymes have images that you could use.
Why isn't the gene in your abstract?
All sections need citations.
retardation is not a word we use any more. You can talk about learning disabilities and developmental delays.
I like your recent research and your inclusion of current clinical trials! That's really exciting.
You have a lot of really great information here, and it's well organized.

--Sweiner02 (talk) 21:40, 16 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for your feedback! I have taken all suggestions into consideration and made all changes accordingly.

--ChiDoc0517 (talk) 04:11, 16 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]

I like the way that you have organized this page. It is very informative and professional! Well Done!
I think you should add more hyperlinks or cite the sources in the "mechanism of Disease section".
You could make the "sign and symptoms" section one paragraph, you don't need to add a subtype because you already mentioned that there are three subtypes in the introduction section.
The images are also very helpful.

--Jounjian (talk) 03:15, 17 November 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for your feedback! I have made changes accordingly, and have removed the 'subtype' subheader listed under signs and symptoms. I have decided to rely on the bold print of each subtype to help the reader differentiate between each section.

--ChiDoc0517 (talk) 04:11, 16 December 2020 (UTC)[reply]