User talk:ElainaDH

Nice Evaluations

6/11/2019 Evaluation by KStein91

Spelling/Grammar

Meets standard: Make the changes that have been noted by other peers previously. Other than those suggestions, it looks good.

Language

Meets standard: your article reads well, however I would suggest finding a way to intoduce some subheadings to make transistions smoother for readers. See comments under organization.

Organization

Meets standard: I would suggest using some subheadings to break up the information you have included. Maybe one that says "Terrorism Influences on Tourism" so that readers know that you are making that transition. It seems a little jumpy otherwise.

Coding

Meets standard: looks great! I like that you included some media in your article.

Validity

Meets standard: great job finding and adding lots of information to the existing page. I saw the original post does not have any citations in it. Great job finding some sources to back you up. However, I am confused by the necessity of the first paragraph that includes the beginnings of what tourism is. Maybe link with a See Also: tourism template.

Completion

Meets standard: Lots of information included on your page, good job. I would however break up your headings to say "Nice" and then another saying "Tourism".

Relevance

Meets standard:

Sources

Standard: Need to fix source #15; you just need to edit the dates. The rest of your sources appear to be solid. A little confusion simply because your sources are combined from the second and third edits.

Citation

Standard: Check the dates on source #15; you just need to edit it and fix the dates.

References

Standard: little confused by your references because they are combined with your previous post.

06/10/2019 Evaluation 3 by Sasha-urban

Spelling/Grammar

“Starting in 1886”
“1908 Automobile use opened”, maybe “By 1908, automobile use…”
“From a”, there is an extra space here
“French people came to Cote D’Azur”

Language

Overall, I think it is easy to read and fits with the tone of wikipedia.
“can be said to have started” -- sounds a bit cumbersome
“During the 1930’s competition for tourists from Italy, Nice became more economically aggressive” -- “During the 1930s, due to competition,...”
“once the most widely used guide” -- where and when? Seems unspecific.
“advantages as a long-standing attraction gives it an advantage over newer ones” you say advantage twice in one sentence.
“US-originating flights hardly change” -- change should be in past tense, also I feel like “hardly” does fit with the tone.

Organization

Maybe you could separate it into three subheadings: history, terrorism and future/climate change or something.

Coding

Terrorism should be a sub-heading.
There is some sort of error in source 15.

Validity

"Tourism can be said to have started with” -- specify (specifically tourism in Nice?)
I am a little confused with the 11th paragraph (“There was a tourist boom 1950’s…”) as the source you cite only kind of has to do with the sentence right before it. Where did the other information come from?
On source 18, the actual authors are: Corbet, O’Connell, Efthymiou, Guiomard, & Lucey rather than Corbeta, O'Connelly, Efthymioiua, Guiomarda, Lucey.

Completion

I think it is nice and thorough, though 19 and 20 are the same source.

Relevance

The paragraph about the railroads could be split into a couple of paragraphs as the info about the Queen and the hotel were unrelated.

Sources

Source 3’s title is incomplete in your references: it is actually High Season in Nice.

Citation

Citations are good.

References

Once again, I think it would be helpful to have links in your references, especially to those sources that are online articles.

06/10/2019 Evaluation by Npearso2

• Points: 30/40
• Grade: 75%

Spelling/Grammar

Does not meet standard. There are a significant number of spelling and grammar errors.

• "Nor was there an easy way by sea." is a fragment of a sentence. I would recommend tacking it onto the previous sentence.
• "visitors would arrive in October or November to enjoy the winter sun and depart in March/April..." It is odd to have both versions of "and/or" in this sentence, choose one.
• You have a few run-on sentences, particularly in the section about the railroads.
• World War I is usually abbreviated WWI not WW1.
• "There was a tourist boom 1950’s," maybe instead, "A tourist boom in the 1950s, along with..."

Language

Nearly meets standard.

• Does not read like an encyclopedic entry as there are a lot of subjective claims made without citations. For example, "Railroads shaped the tourism to Nice." Who says this?

Organization

Nearly meets standard.

• For the most part, the timeline makes sense.
• You mention the 1930s, then the 19th century, then the 1930s again.

Coding

Meets standard. No obvious errors.

Validity

Meets standard. Decent information is provided.

Completion

Nearly meets standard.

• Based on the title, I was expecting this to be a state of current tourism or at least mention it. This is mostly history, which is fine but does not account for the current trends and attractions in Nice.

Relevance

Nearly meets standard.

• I'm confused by your first sentence: in Nice or in general?
• Many of your sections seem to have general statements as sort of topic sentences. This is irrelevant and unnecessary for the type of writing we are doing.

Sources

Nearly meets standard.

• Of the sources I was able to track down and access, many were solid. About half though I was either unable to find based on the reference listing or are tangentially related.

Citation

Nearly meets standard.

• The citations are not properly formatted. They should be before the period of the sentence, not after.
• Citation styles appear inconsistent, some MLA and some APA format.

References

Does not meet standard.

• I was not able to find anything about Nice on the pages referenced from the Clark book. I would consider removing/replacing this reference.
• Some of your references are to entire books, making it difficult to understand which part is being used.
• Reference 19 and 20 are the same reference listed twice.

6/15/2019 Evaluation by DrMichaelWright

DrMichaelWright (talk) 13:48, 15 June 2019 (UTC)

There is really a lot here, and it would honestly be the great started of a new article, rather than added to the current Nice article. (See completion, below)

• Points: 38/40
• Grade: 95%

Spelling/Grammar

Meets standard.

• "...During the 1950’s, another..." Omit the apostrophe. The 1950s are plural, not possessive. Same goes for elsewhere.

Language

Meets standard.

Organization

Meets standard.

• The section needs internal headers, especially if you make a new article out of it.

Coding

Nearly meets standard.

• Using the citation tools would help the references be in perfect order.

Validity

Meets standard.

Completion

Exceeds standard. This article is tremendous, and should probably be the history section on a separate article about tourism in Nice, with a {{main|Tourism in Nice}} main-article link added to the Nice page under the 'Economy and tourism' header on the Nice main page.

• The picture is a nice touch. (Silly pun intended.) — Preceding unsigned comment added by DrMichaelWright (talk • contribs) 13:50, 15 June 2019 (UTC)

Relevance

Meets standard.

Sources

Meets standard.

• You source the book in question (Travels Through France and Italy), which - as you see - has its own Wikipedia article. (You ought to wikilink it.) However, I am unsure how that book can tell us how it had its own effect, except by way through an introduction by another author. That may be the case, but then is that, then, who 'Fielding' is? Which publication year and which volume of the The Cambridge History of English and American Literature are we talking about? I can see that there's more to it, but the reference - at any rate - is very confusing. From what I see here, there is no mention of the Smollett's book's influence on kickstarting tourism in Nice.

Citations

Meets standard.

• There are just a couple of places where the spaces between the notes and the preceding periods should be eliminated.

References

Nearly meets standard.

• There are numerous small problems, for example:
  • Cambridge University Press should be mentioned full out as the publisher, rather than just Cambridge.
  • Pages are certainly great. However, without the publisher and the publication year, they are a little useless.
  • Do not use ALL CAPS in your references, even if it is that way in the original. (Exceptions for acronyms.)

Marseille Evaluations

5/14/2019 Evaluation by Sasha-urban

Spelling/Grammar

• This indicate[s] the city has multicultural tolerance
• World War II a [wave of] Jewish immigrants
• “capitols" of culture, should be "capitals" of culture

Language

• "some say the geography..." Who says this?
• I would say "Although residents have diverse origins, they..."
• The first paragraph seems like a persuasive essay or ad for Marseille, and not an encyclopedia
• What does "the communists took over" entail? Were they elected?

Organization

• I'm not exactly sure how I would go about organizing this... Maybe start with the historical context? It seems like the last sentence of the second paragraph could by included in the first paragraph, at least.

Coding

Meets standard.

Validity

• The first paragraph only documents the positive aspects of Marseille, but reading the first source, we can see that there are negative aspects as well (racially motivated murders, xenophobic National Front, communities do co‐exist, but often warily and at a distance)

Completion

Meets standard.

Relevance

Meets standard

Sources

• there should be 10 sources, but the ones you already have are great

Citations

• When suburbs outside other French cities rioted several years ago, Marseille remained calm. = This is from the first source

References

• I'm not sure if all of your sources were physical, but it would be nice to have a url to access for some of them if they are online. It would make it a bit easier to evaluate the sources, as well.

5/17/2019 Evaluation by KStein91

• Points: 37.5/40

Spelling/Grammar

Exceeds standard: looks great.

Language

Meets standard: Nice professional tone throughout.

Organization

Nearly meets standard: is the italic text preexisting or is it italicized for quoting purposes? Overall, though it is easy to read.

Coding

Meets standard: looks good, however I am confused by the use of the italicized text.

Validity

Meets standard: appears to be solid information, good job.

Completion

Meets standard: great interpreting your sources into easily digestible paragraphs.

Relevance

Meets standard: Good job adding information about the multi-cultural nature of Marseille.

Sources

Nearly meets the standard: 8 out of 10, I also found it difficult to find enough sources for this project. That being said, it looks like you found some solid sources to work off of.

Citation

Meets standard: well used citations throughout.

References

Nearly meets the standard: once again, 8 out of 10 that are required for the project.

6/7/2019 Evaluation by DrMichaelWright

DrMichaelWright (talk) 18:42, 7 June 2019 (UTC)

I see that you already implemented this on Wikipedia. That's great! But I do think that you should go back and fix a few things, as per my suggestions below.

• Points: 35/40
• Grade: 87.5%

Spelling/Grammar

Nearly meets standard.

• "By the 1890's. immigrants..." omit the apostrophe. The 1890s are plural, not possessive.
• "Marseille has served as a major port where immigrants from around the Mediterranean arrive" Verb tense conflict.
• "Marseille continues to be more multicultural." This is awkwardly timed. It's in a historical segment, and therefore should use the past tense. Even so, you're not suggesting much of a transition between periods between which we witness continuity.
• "...wave ofJewish immigrants..." put a space in there.

Language

Nearly meets standard.

• "Immigration has made Marseille what it is today." This sort of statement sounds like something you'd find in a tourist pamphlet.
• "Immigrants first came locally..." Given Marseille's long history, you might want to qualify the given period somewhat.
• "Armenians from Turkey began..." The Ottoman Empire, as the Turkey did not yet exist in 1915.
• "In 1962, when Algeria, Morocco, and Tunisia became independent, French citizens from there arrived in Marseille. [8] When most of France’s colonies gained independence in the 1960s,..." These two sentences are talking about the same development. Therefore it's awkward that the second sentence acts as if it is talking about something new.

Organization

Nearly meets standard.

• I think the 'European Capital of Culture' paragraph should probably be extracted back out under its own subheader, with that see-also template that it had before your revision.
• Your first paragraph is very interesting and analytical. It's probably not the best first paragraph for this section, since you should describe before you analyze and explain.
• "For a while, the mafia appeared to run the city; then the communists became more prominent." This may best be part of a very different section. The Mafia in question may be Italian, but might also have been home-grown pretending to be Italians. Communists are not a culture. Now, Kimmelman might be entirely right, but as much as I love the New York Times a weekender puff piece like this article is not exactly the most solid foundation on which to write your Wikipedia contribution. He does cite Jean Viard, who has a couple of articles in our library's databases. He would be a much better source to reference.

Coding

Meets standard.

Validity

Nearly meets standard.

• "Marseille became Europe’s busiest port by 1900, trading merchandise with Africa, Asia and the Americas." I very much doubt that this is true. Rotterdam, Antwerp, Hamburg and Barcelona outclass Marseille in most categories of port busy-ness, nor does Dickey, whom you cite, seem to make this point. Maybe it's true in 1900, but I'm very skeptical. Can you point to the paragraph in his article where this is asserted? Clark doesn't mention this about Marseille.

Completion

Exceeds standard. You've really written a lot here.

Relevance

Exceeds standard. Yes, the existing article is improved with these additions, but I suggest that you implement my suggestions here to really give it some more polish.

Sources

Nearly meets standard.

• You have 8 sources with some newspaper articles.
• At least with the Kimmelman article you missed an opportunity to get some better citations (see above under 'organization'). I think there are another couple of missed opportunities as well for having found extra sources through the sources you've used.

Citations

Meets standard.

• Do not leave spaces before citation notes. They should be right up against the punctuation marks. A style guide for how to do so can be seen here.
• "Urban geographers [1] say..." it would be more powerful to mention names. It is also unclear from whom this assessment is coming even when skimming the article. Since you make it plural, you mean more than just Ingram. Did you also mean Moreau, whom Ingram cites?

References

Nearly meets standard.

• Regarding the City & Society reference:
• The title is incomplete. The full title of the article is: The Artist and the City in “Euro‐Mediterranean” Marseille: Redefining State Cultural Policy in an Era of Transnational Governance.
• This is a journal that has more than one issue per year/volume. As such, you should also report the issue number. (2) in this case.
• It is very useful to provide the reader (and the grader - me) with a clear indication of where the specific information can be found. Yes, this article has a number of pages, but from this article you are only really drawing on one or two of those pages. Please report just the page that you are using.
• Your Moreau reference does not reference it as chapter in an edited work, since you leave out the title of the chapter and mention of the three editors as editors. Given the limited online availability of the book, and the carrying over of the idea of 'singular Marseillais identity', I'm also a little suspicious that you did not actually get this book, but merely drew the reference from Ingram. It's probably not invalid, but it's still bad form to cite things that you have not yourself read (see here).
• Dickey's first name is misspelled.
• The Dickey article should also have volume and issue number reported, even if it is not an academic journal.

Welcome!

Hello, ElainaDH, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Elysia and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.

I hope you enjoy editing here. If you haven't already done so, please check out the student training library, which introduces you to editing and Wikipedia's core principles. You may also want to check out the Teahouse, a community of Wikipedia editors dedicated to helping new users. Below are some resources to help you get started editing.

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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Elysia (Wiki Ed) (talk) 18:37, 1 April 2019 (UTC)