User talk:Gaguilarmartinez

Welcome!

Hello, Gaguilarmartinez, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Ian and I work with Wiki Education; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.

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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 15:03, 9 February 2023 (UTC)

Feedback on your draft

Nice work on your draft. Here are some ways you could improve it further

Clara O'Farrell (born 1986) was raised in Buenos Aires, Argentina. Her education and research focuses on aerospace engineering, propulsion, and fluid dynamics, which led her to work for NASA. She is a Guidance and Control Engineer for the Landing (EDL) group at the NASA Jet Propulsion Lab.

• The first sentence should hit the key point of interest about a person. If the reader gets no further than the first sentence (which is common), make sure they come away knowing something about her. So try something like Clara O'Farrell (born 1986) is a guidance and control engineer at the NASA Jet Propulsion Lab who is known for her work on the Mars Perseverance Rover Mission.
• The rest of the lead is a summary of the major points of the article. Just read through what you've written and pull out some of the major points.

As a child, O'Farrell was always interested in science, and a love of animals originally led her to want to study marine biology. As she grew older, she thought her options in science were limited to medicine or engineering.

• Try to make your writing a bit more fact-heavy, especially at the start of the section. Start by saying she was born in Buenos Aires, Argentina. Say she moved to the US when she was 19, did her BSE at Princeton and PhD at Caltech. Spell out the details.
• The talk about her as a person. What she says about her childhood interests in science and marine biology. Make sure to attribute them to her...she says, describes, recounts. Something that makes it clear to the reader that this is her memories, not something that was independently verified by contemporary sources. Mention crediting her mother and grandmother, and that she grew up speaking English at home.

In 2008 O'Farrell contacted Miguel San Martin after hearing him speak about his work with NASA.

• Don't start a section with a statement like this. It's too narrative for a Wikipedia article. Keep in mind that people don't read more than they have to - if they don't get what they're looking for right away, there's a good chance they will skim or bounce. You could start with a broad overview sentence that covers what's most important, but you can also stick to a more sequential approach.
• Where did she work with Dabiri, and in what context? Was she a postdoc? A lab tech? A research scientist? If you know or can find out, say so.

This lead her to start working at the NASA Jet Propulsion Lab in 2013

• This is very passive voice, and feels very "by the way" at the end of a paragraph like that. You can say that her work with Dabiri led to her bring recruited by the JPL (or whatever the connection) but the statement that she started at the JPL in 2013 should start a new paragraph.

O'Farrell is currently working...

• Be careful with "currently", because time passes and there's no guarantee anyone will update the article quickly. Say "As of 2022..." or something of the sort.

Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 19:08, 24 April 2023 (UTC)