User talk:HillmanHan/sandbox
The expression is generally clear. I would like to see how you plan to structure this Wikipedia entry and what are the books, dissertations or websites you are going to refer. I also believe that there is a greater amount of work which could be mention in this entry.
Moreover, as mentioned in the article, some of his work are not signed yet unanimously attributed to him. Is there any reason for that?
Thanks for your review! I did have a layout for my writing at first but soon found out that it would be largely limited to what source I get due to its scarcity. Therefore, I would change the structure of this page as I move forward. The main website I would use is Oxford Art Online but there isn't too much material about this specific artist, so I turned my focus to The Painter and Priest written by Pleach. He offers a bunch of sources that I can lend and would already be translated to English. I would like to keep the introduction of Canavesio short because only limited documents tell a story of his life and activities, and I want to stress his work in the later sections. The reason for attributing the work to him that does not have a signature can be found in the reference link.HillmanHan (talk) 03:08, 7 November 2017 (UTC)
Evelyn's peer review of Hillman[edit]
Overview- The lead paragraph is concise and brief. However, I think there is still a space for improvement on the flow of sentence. The word "and" is repeated several times in the first two lines, which I deleted some of them. Simple ad active sentences are always good to make a paragraph concise and strait-to-point. Also, it will be great if you can pay more attention to the use of article "the" and "a". Structure - The article is divided mainly to career, works and documented activities. It's very organized but to make it better, you could add subtitles under "career", by dividing it to "early period", "middle period" and "late period". It will make readers easy to trace and follow the development of Canavesio's skill and change of his style overtime in chronological order. It is a very interesting fact that Canavesio became to a priest during his undocumented period. It is very unusual and unique for an artist to possess a totally different occupation during his era. I personally think it will be a good place to elaborate on and explore more on how his "second" occupation influenced his style and theme in his paintings.
Works- The change of his styles is well-researched in detail. It might be a good idea to create links for these professional words, such as "Ligurian art", "Germanic component", "Piedmontese elements". Also, linking the artists you mentioned who influenced Canavesio, such as "Giacomo Jaquerio" to other wikipedia pages can let readers gain more rounded knowledge about your artist. It's very nice to see that you briefly explained about who Jaquerio is in the paragraph as it makes more readable for readers without any knowledge and background of study about Renaissance art.
Other notes- In overall, your article is well-strctued and well-researched! The recourses being cited are scholarly and reliable, which is critical in writing a Wikipedia article. Also, the content are neutrally and objectively written without any subjective comments on Canavesio's artworks and style. I realize that not many images of his paintings are uploaded. Along with the analysis, images are important to create visual impact for readers to appreciate and enjoy the artwork. Additionally, it might be a good idea to elaborate more on his major artworks and list them out in a concise manner. Generally the grammar and language use are correct and appropriate as a Wikipedia article. I really enjoyed reading this! Looking forward to see a more polished article in the near future!