User talk:Jaimev10/sandbox
Hyde Park
[edit]Hi Jaimev10, I'm Adam and I'm providing support for your course. I took a look at your sandbox and I have a few comments
- I'm not sure your proposed lede is an improvement. The intro on the article now describes the subject and summarizes the contents of the article fairly well. Remember an encyclopedia, especially one written by everyone has to be neutral in describing subjects. A sentence like "Hyde Park may be a city but it sure does have a town vibe." or "In the spring and summer, many city residents flock to Hyde Park." sounds like the opinion of the author.
- Similarly, "Activists from both sides of the Charles came together to sink a pair of ruinous highways" in the next section suffers from the same problems. If I'm reading an article and I know nothing about Hyde Park I'd want to know which highways, where they were, why they were installed and what the objections were.
- I'd also recommend looking at sourcing beyond the ACS. There are books and magazine articles about Hyde Park as well as books about boston which cover hyde park. If you want to expand the coverage of backlash against urban renewal (which certainly exists and is important), then the best way to do that is to summarize sources on the subject.
Let me know if you need a hand reframing for tone or finding some (web available) sources. Adam (Wiki Ed) (talk) 17:47, 7 April 2015 (UTC)