User talk:JamesAndrewPaterson1987

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Hello, JamesAndrewPaterson1987, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.

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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 19:38, 5 September 2018 (UTC)

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Notes

Hi, here are my notes:

• This needs editing for tone. Avoid terms like 'rich', as this can be seen as non-neutral as well as occasionally a point of view term depending on how it's used.

• Avoid original research and writing that comes across as a personal reflection or statement on the topic at hand. Anything that could be seen as a claim should be attributed along the lines of "According to..." or "Has been stated as... by the...".

• When writing out smaller numbers (ie, anything below twenty), write out the whole word as opposed to just using a number. The exception would of course be that using numbers instead of words would be fine for years and percentages. This is more of a general style guideline rather than anything specific to Wikipedia as it just looks a bit awkward to have a number (4) in a sentence or at the beginning of one as opposed to the word (four).

• Another thing to look at is how much of this is redundant to existing sections in the article for the Democratic Republic of Congo. For example, the section on geography and the flora and fauna of the DRC will probably cover the biodiversity to a certain degree and in the article for the Wildlife of the Democratic Republic of the Congo. This doesn't mean that this can't be mentioned in your addition but it shouldn't repeat content unless it's absolutely necessary.

• The focus of this is a little confusing, as I can't tell whether or not this is about the environmental and ecological issues in the DRC, about how the DRC is adressing the UN Sustainable Development Goal, or about the DRC in general.

Keep in mind that if this is about how the DRC is addressing the UN goals, this should specifically only cover what the DRC is doing to resolve the goals and what charges have been levied against them as far as the goals go. I'm also specifying goals in plural, as I think a section like this should cover the entirety of how the DRC is responding to the UN Sustainable Development Goals as opposed to a single goal.

If this is about the environmental issues, then this should be more general about this and not limit itself to specifically the UN Sustainable Development Goals.

Here is my recommendation:

I would re-tool this to focus on the environmental issues facing the DRC since this would fit into the environmental section nicely with some general editing. I know that you're meant to cover the UN Sustainable Development Goals, however the section could reasonably mention the goals - it just has to be specific as mentioned above and I'd really only give this part about a paragraph. I've done a little tweaking to the lead section to give an example of this, however the section as a whole (including the lead) will need to be reduced to avoid redundancy with content mentioned elsewhere in the article. I don't think that there will be any need to completely re-write anything, just some editing and pruning here and there. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 16:34, 21 November 2018 (UTC)

• The long and short of this is that generally your information is fine and it should be in the article - this just needs to be edited and re-tooled to better fit the article's flow and the general editing guidelines on Wikipedia. I think that you've done a good job of researching and writing, this just needs more work before it can really be moved live. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 16:35, 21 November 2018 (UTC)