User talk:Jiaoyan Zhou

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Hello, Jiaoyan Zhou, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Ian and I work with Wiki Education; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.

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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 18:45, 14 March 2022 (UTC)

Your draft

I moved your draft back to your sandbox because it isn't ready for mainspace yet. Have a look at pages 7-9 of the Editing Wikipedia brochure that I have linked to, to get a better sense of what the layout of a Wikipedia article should look like.

I'm not sure what you have written is distinct enough from the school violence article to serve as a stand-alone article. Wikipedia articles aren't supposed to duplicate content that is (or that should be) in other articles. Since there's an article on school violence, you should link to it and focus on the impacts. But if you do that, you're only left with two sets of bullet points. That isn't substantial enough for a Wikipedia article. It seems like you would be better off expanding the main school violence article then.

As far as bullet points go - they tend to be helpful reminders to people who already know a lot about a topic, but they aren't very helpful to someone who isn't familiar with it. Paragraphs that explain what you're talking about and put the information in context is much better than bullet points. Also when you use bulleted lists on Wikipedia, each one should be followed by a reference. Without that, it's hard for people to verify the factual claims, and it can create a lot of problems if someone else adds to the list later on.

You should also avoid informal language like A bunch of kids are bullying a kid and editorial comments like It is worth noting. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 14:22, 25 April 2022 (UTC)

Thanks for improving the draft somewhat, but it's still not ready for mainspace.

• You need to make sure that it doesn't overlap with the school violence article. You also need to create a proper lead section, as outlined in the brochure I liked to. You need to copyedit things - you can't start sentences or section headers with lower case letters.
• You need to avoid informal language (like the caption I referred to), in particular "kids" - in formal writing, a kid is a young goat. You also can't say something like "As we all known". That's not a factual statement - who is the "we" here?
• You need to make sure that everything is properly cited. For example, you have an entire paragraph about Luukkonen without any citations.
• You need to match your claims with what the sources say. For example, you can't say "In 2014, there were about 486,400 non-fatal violence victims among students ages 12 to 18" and then only back it up with a US source. Although I don't have access to your source, saying that "About 5,400 students in grades seven through 12 attempt suicide each year" seems incredibly low. Is the source really talking about the incidence of bullying throughout the entire world?

There's a lot of work to be done before this can be a stand-alone article. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 18:01, 3 May 2022 (UTC)