User talk:KAWells/sandbox
I'd like to start by saying your article is very well structured and I think it flows well. I didn't notice a lot of grammar issues so that was also good.
One thing that would be good is more specific examples. I think maybe showing a little more analysis on the picture you included would be interesting, since it isn't the more well known mask of agamemnon. How many of these exactly have been found? I know you mentioned not many have but it would be nice to know the exact numbers if they're available.
Perhaps also include some more details on the excavation and preservation of the death masks.
Overall I think this article is very well written and informative! Jlsnow (talk) 01:22, 6 November 2017 (UTC)
Hi Andy -- unless I'm mistaken, I think there was a death mask also found in Grave Circle B (maybe made out of electrum?). Worth looking into and possibly including as another example! Jpaga (talk) 13:55, 6 November 2017 (UTC)
Sunni's Comment[edit]
Hi Andy, I think you article looks good so far! You have a good outline of your article, but I think that you could add more to the design paragraph and talk about how the masks were possibly made. If there are other examples besides just the Mask of Agamemnon, it would be great to add those in with pictures if you can. I think it's interesting that there were no masks for women, so maybe you could elaborate on why. It looks good though, keep working! Sunniobrien (talk) 20:18, 14 November 2017 (UTC)Sunni O'Brien
(More) Comments from Prof. Paga[edit]
Hi Andy - this article looks good so far! You've got some helpful comments from your peer-reviewer as well as Sunni, and here are a few more suggestions of my own.
- Add working hyperlinks throughout - to Mycenae, to Schliemann (it's misspelled in the draft), to the Mask of Agamemnon, etc.
- Make sure to integrate more citations in your Analysis section. For example, you refer to a theory of Mylonas but don't cite him.
- Consider fleshing out your article with another section or two. Perhaps on the technique of creating the masks, as Sunni suggests, or on the role of gold (perhaps talk with your classmate Clara Frost about this, since her article is about gold objects at Mycenae).