User talk:Kapplet/sandbox

Youth unemployment edits

In making edits to the Youth unemployment article I have decided on incorporating more of a global perspective. This entails adding information to the case studies sections. This approach also entails inputting information that can compare and contrast the Global North and the Global South approaches to understanding and combating youth unemployment, in order to gain a more well rounded view of the issue, its causes, and consequences. All of my current edits are in bold, and many are still in the works. Many of the information I intend to incorporate is in quotes as I have yet to do any re-writing of the information. I have chosen to do this because I find it will be easier for myself to go back see what information will fit well when reading the article as a whole and so that I can have an easier time transferring the information to another section if necessary. The original causes section of the article seemed to contain very general information and not much information at all. I hope to continue to expand this section with more social, cultural, and economic causes for youth unemployment, not only in the Global North (which I feel the current section seems to lean towards) but in the Global South as well. In understanding youth unemployment it is vital to understand what is prompting said unemployment, especially when then approaching how the rates can be lowered. I have also added a few new sections. I do not feel strongly about these sections, and in fact I will probably end up incorporating their information into other sections if that seems more appropriate. These sections are, Defining Youth, Global South, and Youth unemployment rates. The goal of these sections is/would be to provide general information about the rates and how they differ between countries and perhaps why, how defining youth has an impact on understanding youth unemployment, and giving a general comparison to the Global North and the Global South in issues of youth and youth unemployment. I’m very open to ideas on these sections and whether they seem to be good additions to the article or if they should perhaps be incorporated elsewhere.

Peer edits for Youth unemployment

I really enjoyed reading this article, because of how relevant it was to many of the ideas we've discussed in class. I think you do a good job of providing information from a wide perspective, and I could definitely see that you were attempting to use a global perspective. (When it said (global) throughout the article, was that just a note to yourself that you wanted to make a more global point there? That threw me off a little bit.)

Most of the edits that I'm making are just format-related. (Grammar, punctuation, etc.) I really think that you've done a nice job with the content of the sections you've worked on. The one section that needs a good amount of structural editing is the Africa subsection. I think the message you're trying to get across is good, but I think it needs to be restructured quite a bit. I've made some changes, but you may want to do things differently than I have them. This is true for other sections as well, but primarily the Africa section.

I also think there are a couple of places where your language could be a bit more formal. For example, I really like when you talk about credential inflation and internships, but I don't think it's really valuable to say that the interns are "picking up lunch and coffee." Instead you could something like, "basic tasks that are not challenging or related to their field of work."

Also, make sure that all of the stylistic things are the same everywhere. (You should put the heading for the Africa section in bold. Things like that.)

Another question I have is whether or not you think you might be able to incorporate some more statistics and details from different sources. I think you have some great information, and giving it a broad scope makes it applicable to a global framework, which is great, but I feel a little bit like some sections are just paraphrasing from Furlong. I think you could use the ideas that he presents and build them up to be even stronger by providing your own insights and details. Just a thought! NSully83 (talk) 19:21, 2 November 2013 (UTC)

Great start! 11.4 feedback Prof. V

I concur with Sully's comments. My own here...

I love the work you have done! The causes section is much clearer. I did a bit of copy editing, but the list of factors you have inserted is solid.

I did some thinking about what I would like to see in the lead section. I was ‘’’bold’’’ in my editing. See what you think – feel free to change it. Could you verify whether unpaid internships are a global phenomenon or just a U.S. one? What about apprenticeships in Europe? Maybe by better integrating the Ghana example? I know that Uganda and Venezuela both require “service work” as part of their college education process. Does this fit into this section? I would like you to create one more ‘’’cause’’’ subsection – perhaps from the source I pasted, below.

I found this source which I think will have a great deal of very useful data for you! (ILO resource page youth employment)

I recommend consolidating the ‘’’consequences’’’ section. Are there a few common themes that could be created instead of so many short, blocky paragraphs? Let’s talk if you need help brainstorming.

Consider rearranging the order of the ‘’’case studies’’’. Why is the U.S. first? Maybe by continent?

This article will definitely be better because of your work. Cheers! Prof.Vandegrift (talk) 16:27, 4 November 2013 (UTC)

Peer Edit

I love how you have reorganized the structure of the article. It is obvious that you have cleaned up the article a bit and have a clear direction of where you would like to see it go.

I noticed the changes and work you did in the lead in. I understand this sentence, "Since unemployment is defined as those out of work but actively seeking work, the youth that are out of work but not seeking work are not a part of the unemployment statistics" is important to the definition, but it seems to be worded weirdly. Maybe you could find a different way of saying it.

This article covers a wide range of countries under case studies giving it that global appeal. You've already stated that you're working on the Africa, but perhaps you could provide a bit more information on some of the other countries with smaller sub-sections. Tatej (talk) 22:06, 6 November 2013 (UTC)