User talk:LisaMart86/sandbox

Hey Lisa!

I think overall, your section looks great and you have included all the important information that a reader should know regarding nodules. I just made some small edits in terms of the wording or sentence structure, but I think the content is easy to read and informative. Here are some specific suggestions for each of the sections:

For the Pathophysiology section

-When you talk about "greater frequency and amplitude perturbations", maybe just explain what that means or write it in simpler terms so that it's clear to the public
I changed the wording of the hourglass configuration sentence to make it flow better

For the Signs and symptoms section

In acoustic signs, maybe explain what perturbations mean, as the public might not understand.
maybe when you talk about intensity and amplitude, mention that it is related to perceptual measure of loudness
link the word “jitter” to the jitter Wikipedia page
in aerodynamic signs, maybe put in brackets a brief definition of what subglottic pressure means

For the Causes section

The sentence “One example of such stress is the impact stress caused by the collision between the left and right vocal fold surfaces during vibration[1] (2), which is thought to reach its maximum in the mid-membranous vocal fold[1] “ is a bit of a run-on sentence. Maybe consider rephrasing it so that it flows better, and specify what "reaches its maximum in the mid-membranous vocal fold".
link the word lamina propria to the lamina propria Wikipedia page
when you talk about activities that may contribute to phonotraumatic behaviours like cheerleading, maybe just add a sentence as to why those types of activities would lead to phonotrauma.
Also, maybe it would be good to say why nodules occur more in females.

I hope this was helpful!! Kp23 (talk) 16:50, 29 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Peer review #2[edit]

Hi Lisa,

You did a really good job on this section! I like how detailed and informative you made it. Here are a few suggestions:

Consider reformatting your citations so that they provide a direct link to the article. Also, I'm not sure what the letters and numbers in parentheses refer to so consider making that clear for the reader.
When you talk about nodules being caused by excessive mechanical stress, consider giving a description of the link between the vocal abuse and the formation of the nodules (e.g., screaming results in the vocal folds coming together very quickly and very strongly, thus irritating the tissue). This would also help the reader visualize and understand what is meant by excessive mechanical stress. As well, you could give an example of what is meant by vocal abuse/misuse/overuse. (Upon reviewing the "Causes" section, I realize the information is there, so maybe consider moving some of it up to where these concepts are first introduced.)
Consider changing the term "aperiodic vibrations" for "irregular vibrations" or adding "irregular" in parentheses. "Amplitude perturbations" could also be redefined to make its meaning more obvious to the reader.
Under perceptual signs and symptoms, it says that the variability of the severity of poor voice quality MAY be due to the size and firmness of the nodules. The use of "may" leaves the information open to interpretation. It might be a good idea to either say that it IS due to these factors, or to give examples of other factors that may be the reason for the variation in severity.
Consider linking "endoscopy", "jitter" and "laryngopharyngeal reflux" to their Wiki pages to made their meaning readily available to a lay person.
Consider giving a brief explanation of what is meant by "subglottic pressure" (e.g., the pressure that builds up beneath the vocal folds).
Consider changing the term "unamplified teaching" to something more obvious like "teaching without sound amplification" (or amplification of speech).

I hope my comments were helpful.Overall, excellent section! Don't hesitate to ask questions if my comments aren't clear enough. Mimidescolibris (talk) 02:28, 1 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]