User talk:Livrich95/sandbox
Comments on Wiki Draft
1. First sentence is too vague
2. causation doesn’t make sense. It’s not the “knownness” of Peru that led people to bring their culture. That is just a fact of human mobility. The more Peru attracted folks from other places, the more it attracted diverse cultures.
3.fix - “Amongst their culture,”
4. Clarify - “Thus, the Peruvian cuisine began its establishment”
5. since this is a history section, be sure to note when in time you’re referencing. Ie. “Many of the influences stem from African slaves, indigenous Incas, Spaniards, and a large sum of other immigrants.” You say these were “Indians, Chinese, and Japanese”, but When were these immigrants coming? how did groups change over time? Don’t use “sum”
6. Vague (and poorly written): “Their influence on the cuisines is seen among certain food groups and spices. Each group of immigrants had their own style of food, which makes it unique because the joining of the different cultures produced a number of recipes and savory tastes.”
7.” The region itself has a complex way of farming because of the different landscapes and altitudes.” What region? Peru has several diverse regions. Be specific. Also, this section is about the history of Peruvian cuisine, and you’ve strayed…
8. clarify – “One of the largest produce seen from Peru are the potatoes.” Do you mean most significant? I’m guessing you don’t mean physically largest?
9. reorganize so that info flows chronologically
10. NO USE OF ACADEMIC SOURCES