User talk:LyssBlyss/sandbox

Peer Review Dona Bailey

The lead to the Dona Bailey’s article is only one sentence, so unfortunately there are no brief descriptions of the articles major sections. However, the sentence does to a great job of given concise information as to who she is and what she is known for.

The article is well structured with no grammatical errors from beginning to end. Each section has a clear heading making it easy for a reader to comprehend. Everything is in chronological order starting with Dona Bailey’s early education, career and achievement, and lastly her recent years. For the most part each sections are balanced based off the information given. In the article the most important information is within the Atari section of the article. This sections withholds they most information compared to the other sections. All the major perspectives given in published literature were represented in the article. One significant one being that Dona Bailey was the only women to join Atari’s coin-op division in 1980.

The point of view of the article was not persuasive in any way possible. The writer gave neutral information about Dona Bailey’s success as a woman within the video game industry. The content in the article a lines with the sources used. I was able to check some of the link and they were able to take me to the sources.

As of right now there are no images incorporated into the article. I think it would be a nice to see an image of Dona Bailey, currently there’s only a photo of the arcade video game she created on her actually wiki page. If possible I think finding an image of Dona Bailey that fits under the copyright law would be great so there can be a face to the name.

Overall, I think there definitely was improvements into the quality of the article. A lot more detail was given in the years Dona Bailey spent with Atari and after. The article is very detailed into her education and career. To improve the article, I think adding information about her early childhood like where she grew up or anything type of family history would be interesting even if it’s one or two sentences. Due to the fact that the article begins with information centered around Bailey graduating high school there feels like there is a little gap missing.