User talk:Noblett97
| This user is a student editor in Oregon_State_University/HST_310_The_Historian's_Craft_(Winter_2020) . |
Welcome!
[edit]Hello, Noblett97, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with Wiki Education; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.
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If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 20:00, 12 February 2020 (UTC)
Patrick Dooris Peer Review
[edit]Lead: the second sentence could use a date time and location where the convention met if they are provided by your source.
Structure: The article states what topics the convention covered but doesn't go into any detail about what happened in the 1865 convention and instead transitions into the downfall of the NERL organization immediately. I would merge the info about the convention that appears in the "Origins of the convention" section with the first section and move the info about NERL into a second topic all about NERL.
Neutral tone: no problems I can find.
Sources: the first source is a reliable .org site but has red error text in its citation. Additionally you should be citing your sources much more frequently throughout the article.
the second source also appears unbiased however since the third is self published you might want to make sure its unbiased as well.
the article is missing a "see also" section
Proofreading/Writing suggestions: in the sentence "there attempts of integration, and work on civil rights" change there to their and remove the comma.
"overshadowed by the NAACP, during WW1" capitalize the O, change comma to period, change D to capital and might write out "World War 1" id ask the prof if that's correct
"called for U.S. Congress to make lynching a federal crime, a huge victory, asking for W. Wilson to add a fifteenth point to his fourteen." this sentence is very unclear. i would add a period after victory and re write the sentence after that. also its not clear what "add a fifteenth point to his fourteen" means
"The downfall of the NERL is noted by" change noted to a different word or rewrite like "most poeple attribute the fall of NERL to allowing only black members."
"New York, 1864;" remove the semicolon
"Founded in 1864" this information is already in the previous sentence
Other: like previously stated in structure you need to add some details about what this convention was about specifically. I would start by talking about the resolutions passed, the next section about NERL and its accomplishments and then a final one about its falling out of relevance. Patrick Dooris (talk) 02:19, 14 March 2020 (UTC)Patrick Dooris
Prof. Smith comments on first draft of Wikipedia article
[edit]Hi Jake,
My comments are very similar to those of your peer reviewer, Patrick. I think you have some good material here, but you'll need to rework it quite a bit for the final version. Here is what I would like to see you do.
1) The article needs to focus on the convention and what happened during it. As Patrick rightly points out, there isn't any information in the article at all about the convention, only about the organization. Remember that the basis of the assignment is to dig deeply into the minutes of your convention and explain the key issues that emerged, the major players, the context, etc. I don't see your minutes cited here at all. You'll really need to dig down into your convention minutes and rewrite the first half of the article to include information about your convention.
2) Be sure to cite the sources of your information. The entire first paragraph does not have sources, which raises questions about credibility.
3) I think you need to significantly rearrange the material. Right now, there isn't really a lead (the opening sentence that explains what your convention was and what it did). The first paragraph leads right into the legacies and problems of the Equal Rights League, rather than explaining what the 1865 convention was about. The material on the legacy and problems of the Equal Rights League is good, but it needs to be pushed down toward the end of the article in a section about "Outcomes" or "Legacies."
4) Finally, were African American women involved in the convention at all? Our partner website, the Colored Conventions Project, really wants us to add material on women whenever possible. Please check your minutes again on this point and include information on women if possible.StaceySmithOSU (talk) 03:41, 15 March 2020 (UTC)