User talk:Paige22cameron/sandbox

Hi Paige22cameron,

Nice work on your article! It is well written and not too overloaded with information, and the content flows well. I have a few suggestions that might help improve the readability of the article:

Is there a way to better describe "cephalic surface" for the general public? Like give more of a directional definition with it (i.e. the cephalic, or more superior, surface)
I think the following sentences could be re-arranged to help it flow better, as right now it's a bit choppy: There are two types of vocal fold cysts that differ in terms of location. Sub-epithelial vocal fold cysts are located in the superficial lamina propria of the vocal folds. Ligament vocal fold cysts are located within the deeper layers of the lamina propria or on the vocal ligament --> There are two types of vocal fold cysts that differ in terms of location: Sub-epithelial vocal fold cysts are located in the superficial lamina propria of the vocal folds, while ligament vocal fold cysts are located within the deeper layers of the lamina propria or on the vocal ligament. Or --> There are two types of vocal fold cysts that differ in terms of location: 1) Sub-epithelial vocal fold cysts are located in the superficial lamina propria of the vocal folds and 2) ligament vocal fold cysts which are located within the deeper layers of the lamina propria or on the vocal ligament
Re-phrasing the sentence: "As well as, getting enough rest and drinking lots of water. It is important to keep the vocal fold tissue healthy and hydrated, and when possible to limit the quantity of speaking in order to avoid damage". Perhaps something like --> as well, it is also important to be getting enough rest and drinking lots of water.

Great job! Looking forward to seeing the final article. Meagan.Honigman (talk) 18:25, 27 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Hello Paige22cameron,

Your article is looking good! I like how concise and informative it is. Here are a few things that I thought of while reading your article:

I was wondering if you were planning on linking some of the words/concepts to other wikipedia page? (I don't actually know how you would do this, but it could be helpful, especially for words like "superficial lamina propria" etc..)
"Phonotrauma, or vocal overuse, misuse (i.e. hyperfunction), or abuse (i.e. yelling)" --> seems like this all means the same thing. What would be the difference between overuse, misuse and abuse?
I agree with Meagan Honigman's last point. "As well as, getting enough rest and drinking lots of water. It is important to keep the vocal fold tissue healthy and hydrated, and when possible to limit the quantity of speaking in order to avoid damage" could be re-phrased.

Overall, the article flows very well and seems complete. You seem to be on the right track. I'm looking forward to reading the final article! Kathytheslp (talk) 15:48, 28 October 2016 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the feedback guys!Paige22cameron (talk) 15:33, 20 November 2016 (UTC)[reply]