User talk:Sarahgreenberg1/sandbox
Evaluation of Kothon, Black-Figure Tripod DRAFT (11/5/17)[edit]
Suggestions:
The first major issue with the article is that there is no image of the tripod you are discussing
In the intro, you listed the figural directions as the athletic scene, Komasts, and then the drinking scene. However, under the section headed with “figural decorations,” you ordered these in a different way. In order to provide a more structured presentation, I think it would be best to create organizational consistency between the introduction and the actual article.
Concerning your references, some of your notations are before the period at the end of sentences and some are after. I believe they’re all supposed to all appear after the punctuation, but as long as all the notations are consistent, the article looks cleaner. I do love the number of references you make, though.
“As a vessel for perfume storage, it makes sense that this kothon would be situated on top of a tripod as it would make it more difficult to spill” The above sentence implies a partial bias which, according to the training modules, is not a good thing.
With your “drinking scene” section I feel like it may be interesting to mention symposiums (unless that is not what your tripod is depicting)
Overall, I really like the main body of your sections, but personally I like active voice better than passive voice which you use a good deal of. I think all the sections, especially the drink scene and komasts, need more detail that is more focused (sometimes the way you describe the tripod is vague)
Also you need to create a separate section for your works cited.
Overall, a really nice job! I really found your article interesting, and I can’t wait to see how you expand and grow upon this really solid draft!
Lhemmingson (talk) 04:00, 6 November 2017 (UTC)
First thing I notice is you need a title for the page still. Lucas really covered a lot of the suggestions I had, but just be careful that you are only presenting facts. I know it is kind of different from most college writing to not put in your own opinion, but think about the wikipedia articles you read, do they have a lot of opinions or do they just state facts? Kaylauer520 (talk) 05:40, 27 November 2017 (UTC)
Comments from Prof. Paga[edit]
Hi Sarah - this is a good start to your article! You have some excellent comments from your peer-reviewer and TF already, and I encourage you to address/answer their suggestions. Here are a few more suggestions of my own.
- Make sure you have a clear, concise title - think about how someone might search for your article on Wikipedia.
- Add hyperlinks to other Wikipedia pages throughout. This will help integrate your article into Wikipedia more generally.
- Make sure to proofread carefully.
- Include an image of your vase if you can find one that is copyright appropriate. Review the training module on images/media and use the CCSearch to find some. If you can't find any of your specific object, try to include an image for comparison -- perhaps another kothon or tripod, or another depiction of boxers in black figure.
- Since you're in the Athletics Group, you need to emphasize how your article relates to that theme. Consider adding a section about boxing in general, or about the connection between perfume and athletics.