User talk:Sherrysyc/Westlake exposition
Preliminary Review from Kaylea
[edit]Hi, I'm starting to walk through articles and give everyone informal early feedback on how they're doing. You'll notice this is a little bit form-letter-ish but I hope it is still helpful.
I see you've made some changes and are starting to incorporate elements from our training, but there's still a ways to go with this article. If you're feeling stuck, please let me know how I can support you.
One area of improvement for this article will be to shift towards a more encyclopedic tone. For example, when you describe the "success" of the exposition, it sounds more like an opinion. Instead of writing things like "Here are several reasons for the success of the 1929 Westlake exposition:", a more encyclopedic version might say: "An analysis by (((this group))) conducted ((((this amount later)))) found that the exposition was successful, based on their assessment that (((this happened))) because (((this happened)))" -- does that make sense?
Keep going, you're definitely making progress.
Kaylea Champion (talk) 20:01, 27 January 2022 (UTC)
Hi, Sherry, great start I just posted my peer review on your site, make sure you check that, and happy editing. Here is the link: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Sherrysyc/Westlake_exposition/Yiwen122_Peer_Review?veaction=edit&preload=Template%3ADashboard.wikiedu.org_peer_review Yiwen122 (talk) 1:59, 28 January 2022 (UTC)
feedback on progress
[edit]Hi @Sherrysyc:
This is good progress. I made some changes that I think will help, splitting background and success factors -- take a look using the history tab and see if you agree. You will want to remove the header from the first section so that it can function as the lead. Also, I think I found some photos of goods that were displayed as part of the exposition -- check this out:
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Category:1929_Westlake_exposition
and
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Category:West_Lake_Expo_Museum
These photos are freely available for use in Wikipedia. You could add the goods into a photo gallery using the gallery template. You might also say something about the museum, include the photo, and link to the museum's page.
Think about these, I think they will make the article better.
You are approved to go live with this article.
As a reminder, here are our go-live steps:
- Final read-through draft.
- Check live article for changes. [History Tab]
- Two browsers side by side, if you can. Code mode, not visual editor.
- Paragraph by paragraph copy, leaving behind an explanatory edit summary after each chunk of changes.
- Note on article talk page.
- Note at the top of your sandbox version.
- Submit a link to your article on Canvas.
- Celebrate!