User talk:Slopeslira/sandbox
I really like how the information you are presenting is easily readable and is not overwhelming. It is easy to understand and very informative. I would recommend for the (pathophysiology section) to write about what exactly the CYP19A1 gene is because the audience may or may not know what exactly the gene is or does. For the sections that you are going to complete, I would recommend that you continue to do what you are doing when it comes to the amount of information you are conveying to your audience. Try not to make it too wordy or lengthy where the readers may get confused. The lengthier the information, the easier the audience loses interest. So, I would suggest you to paraphrase each of the sections you are going to complete just like you have been doing. For the symptoms, just list them and give a short, brief explanation about each of them. Also, with the information you provided under symptoms (the paragraphs under the subsections) try having it fit into one of the subsections so that it doesn’t look like the information is just randomly put into that particular section. I am pretty sure you are planning on citing your information, so just don’t forget to cite it before the final page is due. Otherwise, you did a good job! -Sunana Dhindsa
I don't think the word estrogen needs to be capitalized in the abstract. Can you make a subheading for the "history, alternative name, and statistics? Don't forget to remove the bullet points on all of your sections. I don't know if you put those there to guide you as you edit your page, but right now it looks unorganized. For the research section, can you provide a summary of some recent researches that have been done? What is the current research status and what is the future direction for studies on aromatase deficiency? The article is missing information for several sections, and I think it needs some editing to make it more organized and readable. Overall, I think it is a good start to your wiki page.
-Ngan Do — Preceding unsigned comment added by NganDo2161 (talk • contribs) 17:51, 12 November 2015 (UTC)
- Get some help with language editing. We have a writing center.
- Mechanism isn't even really at the outline stage yet.
- If you are going to use subheadings, use them as subheadings, not bullet points. However, only use them if there is enough material for it to make sense. At the current stage nothing meets that requirement.
- It looks like you have some interesting articles to look at. I look forward to reading your summaries of the results when you finish.
- A lot of this isn't even at the outline stage, so it's hard to comment on.