User talk:Spokentruth/sandbox

Hi Team 1,

Good start on your rough draft of contributions to the article. Some feedback: - Pierre's Predicament of Blackness makes some important points relevant to the content of this article, specifically about "nativism" and "tribalism." Don't neglect to add them. - Throughout review and revise your text to conform to Wikipedia's style and tone. For example, writing, "Tribalism in Africa can be considered as evil" is making a moral judgment rather than reporting facts about the topic. These kinds of assessments of tribalism could be included in the article, but they are best attributed to experts writing on the topic in a summary of debates in the field.

I think your article addition is great. I believe you guys have a lot of great information and everything seems very well structured. Mcarvalho1 (talk) 00:10, 6 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Team 1, I think the breakdown of the article is great in that it covers a broad range of topics pertaining to African Nationalism. I would suggest leaving the history of African Nationalism because it would help the reader understand where African Nationalism. Fdecu1 —Preceding undated comment added 01:46, 6 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Team 1, as I read through the article I thought to myself "what African nationalism is today would be a good addition" it is good to see that you all have planned to contribute that to the article. I believe that the draft is very organized and easy to read. Great start. Vicdagoat (talk) 04:28, 6 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Team 1, I think that you're draft is really organized and I like how detailed the section on the roots of African Nationalism and African tribalism are. I think in the section of "Illusion of Tribe" it would be good to maybe include a couple of universally known African tribes. Also in the section about influence on the movement, it would be good to add a little information about Marcus Garvey's Pan-african movement and any other Civil Rights Movement leaders that endorsed the philosophy. --Alizlev (talk) 05:57, 6 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Edits:

The structure of your article looks good so far. The five large sections are great additions and provide in-depth explanations on the topics. A few things that can be worked on: 1. Make sure that you aren't including opinions in your article. Things like "Tribalism in Africa can be considered evil" or "some enthusiast feel the need to fight against..." Instead, reword these sentences and add facts to back them up. Give specific examples from your sources that prove the point you are trying to make. 2. Avoid making generalizations and starting sentences off with "Some people think/say..." 3. Watch out for run-on sentences. Jasmineer (talk) 02:54, 6 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Peer review

The structure is very organize but the order could be changed leading with the influences of Pan- Africanism then moving into the distinction of nationalism vs. tribalism. I think this the draft of this article bridges important details that are only acknowledged briefly in the original. The tone is mostly neutral however the discussion of tribalism seems underdeveloped or unclear and therefore negative. The different aspects of African nationalism are covered but more some paragraphs only have ciatations at the end making it difficult to attribute exact information to a source. The sources used are extremely reliable.

Keshaysolomon (talk) 07:03, 6 March 2017 (UTC)[reply]