User talk:Tarheelnotdeadyet
Peer Review of “Levels of Consciousness” Page
The “Level of Consciousness” Wiki page is impressive. It is long and packed with information. The organization is clear and easy to follow. Even at a glance it is clear that a lot of work has been put into the page’s creation. What follows are a few suggestions of further improvement.
Firstly, the heading “history” seems partiality out of place. It should be something along the lines of ancient “history.” Because the theories you describe, and the corresponding physiologists or cultures they were created by are all in the past tense, it seems that much of the Wiki page is about history. It is therefore incorrect to limit “history” to just the South American civilizations. There is a lot of western history scattered throughout.
The terminology and ideas expressed in the page clearly denoted a strong familiarity and knowledge of the material. However, at times technical terms or phrases need to be expanded upon to thoroughly speak to a novice reader. For instance, the second sentence in the second paragraph “Movement between stages is often bidirectional depending on internal and external conditions, with each mental ascension precipitating a change in reactivity.” A period after the word “bidirectional,” and a following quick explanation of “bidirectional” would be helpful. On my first reading, before I looked it up, I did not know what you meant by this. You have to assume a reader knows nothing. It was fantastic how you added links for certain terminology; for instance, the link for “anesthesiology.”
The language on the page is often loose—the word choices don’t always convey an intended meaning. For example, “Most theories map consciousness in a series of levels, some stages of which are more continuous than others.” The second clause of this sentence is what I mean by “loose.” The word “continuous” means nothing here; “continuous,” to what?
There is a plethora of easily fixed run-on sentences: the first sentence of the “theories” sections. The sentence, “Although many cultures have incorporated theories of the layered consciousness into their belief structure, particularly for spiritual means before the separation of church and state within any given civilization, the Ancient Mayan world was among the first to propose an organized sense of each level, its purpose, and its temporal connection to humankind” is a horrendous example. WAY TOO LONG. I do not understand the correlative point about the separation of church and stage. Wouldn’t the separation of church and state have given birth to new possibilities? Why did this happen before the separation? There is too much information in one sentence. Expand on the point you make.
Finally, it would be much improved if each of your sections stood solely on its own. The page’s structure is essay like. In order to explain information in later sections, you reference previous sections. Your page builds like an essay. But, let’s say that I just want to read and understand the “theory” section. If I start there, than the phrase “historical views” (in the opening sentence) means nothing to me.
Under modern day perspectives it would be nice to see a short bio of each theorist.
This is a lot of criticism, but it is a good page with a lot obvious good-hard work put into it.
'Tarheelnotdeadyet (talk) 02:47, 22 March 2011 (UTC)'
Peer Review of “Live Long and Prosper” Page
[edit]A very cool topic, it is nerdy (for sure) but very nerdy-cool. Also, it is neart that your page might get a lot of hits. I’m sure people type the phrase into Google to find Star Trek information.
You should find and make a list of the translations you referred to. You should include some back ground on the Star Trek series. Was the phrase in the first episode? How many times has it been said on the screen and in movies? Can you find other pop icons besides Kid Cudi that use the phrase? Maybe a section on its cultural relevance, Star Trek affected millions of people and when the catch phrase is heard, most of the Western World will understand its reference. Wasn’t Spock the one who most commonly said the phrase? Include a bio of Spock and the Vulcan and how the phrase plays into their fictional culture.
Is there a Star Trek fan site or club of the same name—there must be, right?
What is a more significant saying “may the force be with you” or “live long and prosper?”