Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Amador Valley High School/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 20:12, 24 October 2009 [1].

Amador Valley High School[edit]

Nominator(s): Deltawk (talk) 04:50, 3 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
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I would like to thank users Camaron, Shirulashem, Scartol, Finetooth, Jp07, and Ruhrfisch for spending their time to copyedit, review, and offer their comments on the article as the work has progressed and improved. This project has been carefully edited since last spring, and I feel like this article is ready for the Featured Article review process. Here is my nomination. -Deltawk (talk) 04:50, 3 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

  • Comment: Regarding the Extracurriculars' section, I am surprised that you only have five subsections. Usually, high schools have far more extracurricular clubs than are currently listed. I noticed in particular that nothing about United States Academic Decathlon is mentioned, though Amador definitely participates.[2] Perhaps a section for the other clubs could be added, even if it is only a small paragraph. NW (Talk) 01:30, 5 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • That would make sense. And you are sure that there is nothing else? There are usually a variety of other things as well (School newspaper, science team, environmental group, recycling club, film club, anime club, Amnesty International/human rights group, Bible club, etc.); it seems odd that Amador only has a few of them. NW (Talk) 01:56, 5 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Response: There certainly are other clubs, but they have not received the same coverage by reliable third-party sources as the current one mentioned have. I am worried about introducing new clubs without fully developing them, however, the paragraphs would seem incomplete to me. I can add an additional section if you feel it would add to the article though. -Deltawk (talk) 03:28, 5 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Image review (Support on criterion 3)
  • Response: I'll work to see if I can get the NVC image OSTR verification. Christopher Stair is a friend of ours who let us use the image under the license. -Deltawk (talk) 03:28, 5 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Response: I have removed the image and will put it back up when it gains OSTR verification. -Deltawk (talk) 04:01, 6 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comment. Images have alt text (thanks), except that alt text is missing for File:AVlogo.png. Please fix this by using the |alt= parameter recently added to {{Infobox school}}. Thanks. Eubulides (talk) 22:49, 5 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Response: Alt text has been added to File:AVlogo.png. The alt text says "A purple "V" with gold trim is centered on top of a purple "A" with gold trim." -Deltawk (talk) 01:39, 6 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Decide if you're going with last name first or first name first with the authors, and stick with it. Consistency is the key here.
  • This issue has been addressed. -Deltawk (talk) 07:16, 8 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Newspapers titles in the references should be in italics. If you're using {{cite news}}, use the work field for the title of the paper, and the publisher field for the name of the actual company that publishes the paper
  • This issue has been addressed. -Deltawk (talk) 07:16, 8 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Eight deadlinks in the link checker tool.
  • These deadlinks have been removed, changed, or fixed. -Deltawk (talk) 07:47, 8 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • I've removed this source. This was a redundant source anyway - Deltawk (talk) 19:46, 7 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Our high school journalism class posts their articles on this site. Would a high school newspaper be considered a reliable third-party source? - Deltawk (talk) 02:16, 9 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • I would think not. College newspapers are borderline reliable, so I would not consider a high school newspaper reliable at all. Ealdgyth - Talk 18:55, 13 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Sentences that rely only on a my.hsj.org reference are removed. All my.hsj.org references have been removed. -Deltawk (talk) 21:43, 14 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • This ref has been replaced with another reference - a reference to the school's accountability report card that contains the same information. -Deltawk (talk) 07:34, 8 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • I've removed this source. This was also a redundant source. - Deltawk (talk) 19:46, 7 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Current ref 32 (Parade... ) has a bare url in it.
  • Current ref 75 (Amador band goes ...) is not actually published by "findarticles" it's a newspaper article from the Oakland Tribune, and should be formatted as such. Same for current ref 98 (Verdict..) and 111 (Valley Stars...).
  • Oakland tribute articles are fixed. Also, authors for these articles are updated where appropriate. - Deltawk (talk) 05:28, 7 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Current ref 85 (Elena Goana..) lacks a publisher and the link won't load at all for me.
  • The link has been replaced with a working one and the publisher has been added. -Deltawk (talk) 07:34, 8 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Current ref 91 (Journal Paper..) lacks a publisher. Also .. there is a significant amount of bibliographical information left out.. the title isn't "journal paper" it's given on the pdf, along with authors, etc.
  • This problem has been addressed. -Deltawk (talk) 07:35, 8 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Please spell out abbreviations in the notes - I noted AUVSI, but there are probably others.
  • I have replaced AUVSI and UNICEF with their proper spelled-out names. Deltawk (talk) 23:28, 6 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Per the MOS, link titles in the references shouldn't be in all capitals, even when they are in the original (I noted curretnre f 63 (2006 Volunteer...)
Otherwise, sources look okay, links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 14:55, 6 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Nicely written. Often the sort of listy sections of articles like this can be dreadful to read, the editors have really made an effort to avoid that in this article. --Rocksanddirt (talk) 03:58, 9 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose. I've looked at the lead alone, which tells me that the article needs a thorough independent copy-edit before promotions is considered. If this is written by current students: well done indeed, let's make this a learning exercise, and either have it cleaned up soon or put up again for promotion.

  • Great school icon!
  • Do we need "located"?
  • This word has been removed. It now says "...is a public high school in Pleasanton, California." - Deltawk (talk) 20:38, 24 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "a suburb east of"? I'm confused; I thought a town was outside a city, and a suburb within it. Which is the case?
  • I have replaced the words "suburban town" with "city" - Deltawk (talk) 20:38, 24 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "is part of"?
  • This phrase has been replace with "is one of four high schools in the" - Deltawk (talk) 20:38, 24 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • erky: "which also includes".
  • This word has been removed. - Deltawk (talk) 20:38, 24 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "and had its first class graduate" is a little unstylish. I'm trying to think of something neater ... "The school was founded as Amador Valley Joint Union High School, from which its first class graduated in 1923."? Not ideal, but see what you think.
  • I like your new way of phrasing the sentence. Your correction has been adopted. - Deltawk (talk) 20:38, 24 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Is it just the vocational training that is offered to its 2500 students? List technique is at issue here. If this is not the intended meaning, perhaps "Amador offers its 2500 students ...".
  • I have adopted your suggestion into the lead. - Deltawk (talk) 20:38, 24 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • publication, the Amadon, reports on
  • This has been adopted as well. - Deltawk (talk) 20:38, 24 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "academics" are people, even if the term might be used loosely by the newsletter. "academic and extracurricular issues"? Err ... it reports news of the nation? How big is this publication?
  • The sentence now says 'A monthly school publication, the Amadon, reports on athletics, academic and extracurricular issues, and news of the school and community." I have removed mention of the paper reporting news of the nation. - Deltawk (talk) 20:38, 24 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The school's central Pleasanton location allows Amador to be the launch point of multiple parades and to host the site of the historical Amador Theater. This theatre has been the city's central performing arts facility for over 60 years." try this: "Amador's location allows it to be the launching point for parades and to host the site of the Amador Theater, the Pleasanton's central performing arts facility for more than 60 years." Among other things, we avoid "central ... central", and the reference to P. as a city, morphed from "town" (or "suburb"?) a few seconds before.
  • Thank you for your correction of the sentence. The previous versions of the statement has been replaced with your correction. - Deltawk (talk) 20:38, 24 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Student groups including the Marching Band and Math Team have traveled out of California after achieving high ranking in state competitions." At first sounds like they escaped the state. "have toured interstate"? plural "rankings in Californian competitions"? Unsure whether this is comfortable, though. Only you can tell.
  • The Marching Band has toured internationally and the Math Team has toured interstate. I have replaced "traveled out of California" with "toured out-of-state" to better phrase the statement yet still encompass both organizations. What do you think of this new phrasing? I have adopted your words "rankings in Californian competitions". - Deltawk (talk) 20:38, 24 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • national ... nationally. Audit throughout for close repetitions.
  • I have fixed this issue in the lead. I have not yet looked throughout the rest of the article for close repetitions, but I will do so soon. - Deltawk (talk) 20:38, 24 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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