Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Shirt (song)/archive1

The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was archived by Ian Rose via FACBot (talk) 26 June 2024 [1].

Shirt (song)

Nominator(s): PSA 🏕️🪐 (please make some noise...) 04:15, 21 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I think we underestimate the power of TikTok. It can make virtually anything go viral...from goofs like Andrew Tate to music that becomes too all over the place that it gets annoying listening to them. TikTok users' collective influence can be very powerful and gain the attention of prominent musicians, for better or for worse. Here's an article about a song that got its name, and was released as an album single in the first place, because of fans that made it go viral. Time to let you all in my mental for these past few months. PSA 🏕️🪐 (please make some noise...) 04:15, 21 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose. This needs a good copy edit before listing, partly to pick up some grammatical issues, but mostly to to get rid of the stream of cliches that fail WP:IDIOM. These include “rise to mainstream fame”, “pushing the boundaries”, “fueled media anticipation”, etc, which give an unencyclopaedic feel to the text. - SchroCat (talk) 04:32, 21 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]
@SchroCat, thank you for pointing these out. I think I culled most of these from the prose already, but please feel free to tell me if I'm mistaken. PSA 🏕️🪐 (please make some noise...) 04:58, 21 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]
Those were just examples. The prose isn’t at FA standard, unfortunately, and the article needs work throughout to bring it up to scratch; FAC is not the place for such heavy-duty rewriting, and I advise withdrawing and working on this for a little longer and using the peer review process for assistance. - SchroCat (talk) 05:58, 22 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Joeyquism

Review to follow. I'll get to it over the next few days; Tuesday night (America time) at the latest. joeyquism (talk) 03:56, 23 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Upon further reflection, I'm not sure that I can commit to a full review right now, and I don't want to keep you waiting on me so I figured that I would notify you before I potentially become more dormant (see user page). I'm really sorry about this. joeyquism (talk) 23:02, 25 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Aoba47

Apologies in advance, as I do not think that I will have time to commit to a full review, but I wanted to try and help out with this FAC in at least some small way. I have looked through the lead and here are my comments:

Why is Darkchild the only producer mentioned in the lead? For a similar question, why does the lead not mention who wrote the song?
This sentence in particular seems unnecessarily wordy: (The lyrics, which incorporate spiritual imagery such as darkness and sin, are about a toxic relationship that consumes SZA lustfully and entices her to return, despite its leaving her directionless and mentally exhausted.) I do not think the "which incorporate spiritual imagery such as darkness and sin" bit is necessary as it is rather vague and it would be best to focus on what the song is actually about. I also think there should be a way to condense this down to be less wordy.
This sentence is also a bit of a run-on: ("Shirt" was released on October 28, 2022, and teased online two years beforehand, spawning a viral dance challenge on TikTok where fans gave it two names, including the official one and the alternative "Bloodstain".) I get what you mean by it, but I do not think this information is presented in the best or most engaging manner. I think it would be best to have the earlier teases and subsequent TikTok challenge as its own sentence and have the proper release date be a separate sentence. I believe this sentence is just trying to cover too much at once.
I am uncertain if this sentence is absolutely necessary for the lead: (The song was also previewed at the end of the 2021 music video for the album's lead single "Good Days" (2020), a recurring creative decision she would make in future videos.) I am not sure if this is notable enough to highlight in the lead. If kept, the "a recurring creative decision she would make in future videos" part in particularly seems overall wordy and would need work.
Is this part, (which features the album track "Blind" at the outro), notable enough to mention in the lead? The lead should be a summary of the article, and this seems more like a detail that is best left for the article itself.
This is another instance of a run-on sentence: (Directed by Dave Meyers and inspired by Quentin Tarantino's crime films, the video features SZA and LaKeith Stanfield commit several murders across town and eventually betray each other, and it incorporates symbolism that portrays SZA's various emotional burdens she metaphorically kills.) Also, there is a small grammatical error as it should be "committing several murders and eventually betraying each other".
The "primarily" in this part, (Critics praised the song primarily for its songwriting), is not needed in my opinion.
I have a few comments for this sentence: (Some wrote that its manner of introspection indicated maturity, and others wrote that it artfully portrayed the intense and self-destructive nature of romance.) First, I would avoid repeating "wrote" twice in the same sentence. And second, I am not entirely sure what is meant by "its manner of introspection".
Any reason for not including a brief sentence about the live performances in the lead?

While looking through the lead, I was able to get a better understanding of SchroCat's concerns regarding the prose. I will not oppose or anything like that, but I do wonder if a WP:Peer review would be the better venue to improve this article. I hope that this does not come across as too negative or rude. I hope you are having a great start to your week. Aoba47 (talk) 21:55, 24 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Coord note

Per comments above, I think this article should go to PR so I'm going to archive it. As I'm sure you know, you're welcome to subsequently renominate at FAC, provided also that a minimum of 2 weeks has passed. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 07:49, 26 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Closing note: This candidate has been archived, but there may be a delay in bot processing of the close. Please see WP:FAC/ar, and leave the {{featured article candidates}} template in place on the talk page until the bot goes through. Ian Rose (talk) 07:50, 26 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.