Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/The Ex-Girlfriend/archive1

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by SandyGeorgia 22:29, 3 October 2009 [1].

The Ex-Girlfriend[edit]

Nominator(s): --Music26/11 21:49, 19 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
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I am nominating this for featured article because I think it meets the criteria. The article has passed GAn a few weeks back and has since been through a peer review and has been copy-edited by one and a half copy-editors. Hopefully, this will be the Seinfeld WikiProject's first FA.--Music26/11 21:49, 19 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

  • Weak support - I'm just not convinced this is ready. The prose, while good, appears to me as un-flowing. I will return with comments. ceranthor 15:27, 20 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Image review - Both images look good. NW (Talk) 18:57, 20 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Comments - sources look okay, links checked out with the link checker tool. Ealdgyth - Talk 15:22, 22 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Not ready. Here are a few observations from the top, which indicate that an independent copy-edit is required. Music2611, I think your writing will improve with practice and focus: it's worth cultivating. (You might consider tackling this page and few of its siblings. Let me know if they help (or don't help).

  • Is there a plain English alternative to "commencement"? I can think of one right away.
  • Why is "United States" linked? Please see WP:LINK.
  • "Later on, however, he realizes" -> "Later, he realizes".
  • "after realizing that he finds her just as annoying"—careful of too many "thats"; here, it can be removed. It's the second "realizes/ing" in three seconds. Remove another "that' bottom of first section. Audit throughout?
  • "The episode was inspired by one of Larry David's personal experiences, and contained various cultural references." Every TV program and movie contains "cultural references". I snagged on this because of that trigger "various", which usually means something is wrong.
  • "at CBS Studio Center in Studio City, Los Angeles, California"—this is a sea of blue: isn't it a chained link? If you click on "CBS Studio Center", you'll get a links to "Studio City" and "LA" anyway (so the first link is quite enough). And in any case, LA is not normally worth linking, like New York City and Washington DC. Same with "Hollywood": isn't it covered by the previous link?
  • "she tells him that Jerry and her can still be friends,"—oops. "to tell George that he his dating Marlene"—is that a typo?
  • Watch the "startitis" disease (my term)" "start dating" twice in the first three paras. Tony (talk) 08:43, 1 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
  • Any suggestions as to how I can change it?--Music26/11 15:12, 1 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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