Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/The Greencards/archive2

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The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by User:SandyGeorgia 00:12, 18 July 2008 [1].

The Greencards[edit]

Nominator(s): rootology
previous FAC 02:17, 18 June 2008 (UTC)

I'd like to try renominating this as I've made changes since the previous FAC, and ran it through a peer review as well--I will have more time now to address any lingering concerns. Thanks! rootology (T) 22:10, 15 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

  • I don't think this is ready for FAC. It has promise, sure, but I recommend you withdraw it and find collaborators who can copy-edit it carefully. Otherwise, it's going to have a difficult time here. Just a few trinkets from the opening:
    • "2003" pipes to a useful page, but our readers will probably just ignore it, thinking it's one of those irritating year-page links. Is the "2003 in music" page sufficiently focused? If so, I guess it's no big deal, but a better pipe-signifier would be great (I can't think of one, though).
    • Please don't link "Australia" and "England". See WP:MOSLINK and WP:CONTEXT]].
    • "who had all immigrated to the United States and specifically Austin"—This is a wasteful wording. Can you see why?
    • "Growing up, each of the band members had been exposed to"—"Growing up" is kinda vague and informal. And they weren't band members at that stage, were they? (try "musicians"?)
    • "the three quickly bonded"—hmmm ... "bonded" is just not right here. Sounds like an encounter group from the 1970s.
    • "shortly thereafter"—No; plain and simple, please. This is sub-Shakespeare.
    • "To raise the money needed to produce an album of their songs, the group began to perform locally in Austin, and adopted the band name of "The Greencards" for their billing"—Spot the redundant word in the first phrase. Startitis in the second phrase: why "began to"? What is "for their billing"? Is it necessary?
    • What's our policy about "#5"? I'd use "No."

I'm having trouble with this. The problems are just too dense, and need fresh eyes and skill to fix. TONY (talk) 13:49, 16 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

PS Three NFC audio clips is verging on too many. Please see WP:NFCC#3a and WP:NFCC#8. There's no proper educational justification, the surrounding text doesn't refer to the musical features or the lyrics: how are they representative of the band, or the general style? Specifics, please. I'd cut to two at the most and zip up the context and info pages. NFC police will pay it a visit, otherwise. TONY (talk) 13:54, 16 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Oppose
  • The article needs to be made completely chronological. "The Greencards were initially composed of two Australians,"--did they call themselves the Greencards then? If not, why should we?
  • Most of the stuff in Early history can be transferred to bandmember's articles--"Raised in South London, McLoughlin began to perform country music shows with his family on weekends, influenced by George Jones, George Strait and Ricky Skaggs."--That entire paragraph in fact.
  • "the idea of an American bluegrass band composed of two Australians and an Englishman is not as unlikely as it may seem:" -- since I know nothing about bluegrass, the idea is not "unlikely" for me. This "unlikel[iness]" needs to be attributed to somebody, not purported as fact.
  • "what would become their debut album, the award-winning Movin' On."--POV ... even before we get to the section where that album is discussed, it is described as award-winning. Again, chronological order: was the album name already known at that time?
  • Needs copy-editing--"instead focus on Americana-focused music" and "The Greencards play traditional American music due to their deep respect for the material than most American musicians do." (what?)
  • "The lyrics on "When I Was in Love With You" were cited as among the most striking on Viridian, and were based in part by McLoughlin on an 1896 poem, "A Shropshire Lad", by Alfred Edward Housman, the English poet.[11] The song was described as a "Pogues-like romp""--is such a detailed description of one song needed in the band article?
  • Band articles normally don't have Reception sections--any critical reception for the albums can be incorporated in the body of the article anyway. indopug (talk) 17:41, 16 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I agree with Tony that you renommed it too soon; only 20 edits (and no significant changes) since the last FAC. indopug (talk) 17:45, 16 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Sorry, I got really impatient and stupidly jumped the gun. Please archive this. Sorry. rootology (T) 06:29, 17 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Will do soon; please leave the FAC template in place on the talk page until the bot comes through, per WP:FAC/ar. SandyGeorgia (Talk) 23:27, 17 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]
The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.
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