Wikipedia:Peer review/Aang/archive2

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Aang[edit]

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This peer review discussion has been closed.

I know all the problems in this article, but I was wondering if anybody could actually help with fixing it, as every reviewer has just given general statements without any specific advice on how to fix it. I hope I could recruit some help to this dying article. Parent5446(Murder me for my actions) 22:24, 18 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]

  • A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style. If you would find such a review helpful, please click here. Thanks, APR t 03:37, 19 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Here are a few suggestions to improve the content of the article. I hope they're helpful.

  • He is voiced by Zach Tyler Eisen. Is this the standard way voice actors are listed in WP articles? It at least needs a link.
  • Done
  • The lead needs to be expanded. For people like me, who know very little about anime and even less about Avatar, it may be useful to describe what each term means. For example, how is the series related to anime? What is an airbender? "...supercentenarian at the incarnation age of 112.[1]" What the heck does that mean? That may not be following the standard for this kind of article, but more explanation in the lead is needed.
  • The article should not be explaining other topics. The paragraph effectively provides a brief setting for the reader to follow. If the reader wants to find more on "Airbenders", etc., the reader simply clicks on the associated link.
  • The first paragraph in the "Creation and conception" section is unclear. Where did the creators get their idea? What do you mean by a sketch?
  • Done
  • Brahmajala Sutra - quote the dietary law itself. Flesh out Baguazhang. As a reader, I also know little about Buddhism, so explain, please. Also, explain how Buddhism has influenced this story and character.
  • The law does not need to be quoted in the text. However, it is quoted in the citation if you look at the end of the citation.
  • Is the image of Newborn Aang free?
  • No, it is non-free and has fair use rationale.
  • Again, I don't feel competent to analyze the content of most of this article, but it looks like every section could be fleshed out. Do some more google searches, at least.
  • I'm afraid there is no information. I have been searching for months on end and have not found more than there is.
  • Tense problems. What is WP's standard for fiction? Present or past tense? At least pick one and keep it consistent. For example: "At a young age, Aang and the other airbending children travel to the Eastern Air Temple to choose a flying bison partner, named Appa. The elder monks held a private meeting with Aang to reveal his identity as the Avatar." And: "He entered the Avatar State unknowingly for the first time, using waterbending and airbending to encase himself and Appa in a frozen air bubble resembling an iceberg." This is a problem throughout this article.
  • Will fix...
  • I don't understand how the sections are separated. Are the "books" seasons? I think you should explain that.
  • Done - Explained in the first paragraph of the plot overview section
  • The co-creator's quote about Aang. What did he mean? Does he say, or do you have to use another source?
  • Done - I explained what he means to the best of my ability.
  • What is "appa"?
  • Done - Hope it is better
  • "The Waterbending Scroll". Is that an episode? If so, say something like, In "The Waterbending Scroll", the nth episode of the nth season,..."
  • Done - Added clause to explain it is an episode
  • Katara. What is it and does it need a link?
  • Katara is one of the main characters and she is established in the lead.
  • The three sections under "Avatar" confuse me. Perhaps you need to explain what Bending, Spirit, and Medium, or at least flesh the explanations out more.
  • Change "He met Avatar..." to "meets"
  • Included in tense problem mentioned above: will fix...
  • The sentence that begins, "In the first chapter, Aang encounters Roku..." needs to be made more clear.
  • Done
  • Is it necessary to recount the entire storyline of the game?
  • There is not much of a storyline and removing anything might leave a gap in the storyline, making it confusing.
  • Done

I fixed some problems. I will fix more later. Parent5446(Murder me for my actions) 02:43, 8 March 2008 (UTC)[reply]

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