Wikipedia:Peer review/Achilles tendon rupture/archive1

Achilles tendon rupture

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I want to make a wikipedia article about achilles tendon rupture that is educational and accurate for all to view. this is also a school project

Thanks, Bradley JonesBjones12 (talk) 04:02, 9 June 2010 (UTC)

I just removed a {{FAC}} template from the top of this peer review. If you want to take the article to WP:FAC, the FAC template needs to be added to the article's talk page, i.e. Talk:Achilles tendon rupture. After a very brief look at the article, I think this would be a quick fail at FAC - the article is seriously lacking references. The lead also needs to be expanded per WP:LEAD. This is not a fell peer review, but one should be coming in the next several days. Thanks, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 03:18, 12 June 2010 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Thanks for working on this important article, here are some suggestions for improvement.

• As noted above, the major problem I see with the article is a lack of references. There currently is only one reference in the first four sections after the lead.
• My rule of thumb is that every quote, every statistic, every extraordinary claim and every paragraph needs a ref. Specific claims like Fluoroquinolone antibiotics, such as ciprofloxacin, and glucocorticoids have been linked with an increased risk of Achilles tendon rupture. need a ref, as do other claims like Direct steroid injections into the tendon have also been linked to rupture.
• References need to be complete enough that the interested reader can follow them for more information. Internet refs need URL, title, author if known, publisher and date accessed. {{cite web}} and other cite templates may be helpful. See WP:CITE and WP:V
• Watch out for contradictions within the article - the lead says The male to female ratio varies between 7 to 1 and 4 to 1 depending on differing studies. but the body of the article says The average age of patients is 30–40 years with a male-to-female ratio of nearly 20:1. Which ratio is it? Again refs would help here as the ratio could be checked against the original literature.
• The article also needs to be consistent on little details - for example how ratios are presented (is it "7 to 1" or "20:1"? Either is OK, but pick one and stick with it.
• The lead is far too short and needs to be expanded. It should be an accessible and inviting overview of the whole article, please see WP:LEAD
• Nothing important should be in the lead only - since it is a summary, it should all be repeated in the body of the article itself
• My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way
• The Manual of Style says not to link the bold terms in the first sentence of the lead - so "Achilles tendon rupture is a rupture of the Achilles tendon , and is the most common injury involving a break in a tendon."
• The article as written has several short (one or two sentence) paragraphs that impede its flow - to make it less choppy these should be combined with other paragraphs or perhaps expanded.
• Avoid words like "recently" - use actual dates instead (these things become out of date) - so fix things like Most recently, David Beckham, an internationally known footballer and icon ruptured his achilles tendon, also ending his ability to play in the 2010 FIFA World Cup for England.
• Also avoid abbreviations the average world reader might not know (TE, WR, etc)
• More images would help
• A model article is useful for ideas and examples to follow - there are several WP:FAs at Wikipedia:Featured_articles#Health_and_medicine that may be good model articles.

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please--Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 11:49, 14 June 2010 (UTC) contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 11:49, 14 June 2010 (UTC)