Wikipedia:Peer review/Al Williamson/archive1

Al Williamson

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for June 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I just finished building it up, with, I think, a decent variety of sourced material. I'd like to eventually submit it for a GA assessment, so any feedback and help is appreciated. Feel free to edit the article.

Thanks, Scott Free (talk) 19:51, 6 June 2009 (UTC)

Comments by hornoir (talk · contribs)

1. Do a detailed grammar check of your article, as I happen to spot a ton of stray commas. I tend to do this too, but you need to squash them.
2. Complete the infobox, especially notable works & awards. Make the image caption a little more informative (perhaps include the year it was done, for instance).
3. In the lead, "of partly Colombian descent" is horribly awkward. Consider removing.
4. Also in the lead, consider changing "He is best known for" to "His most notable works include" or the sort. Less limiting and more professional sounding language.
5. Last sentence of the lead, please remove the word noted. It is too ambiguous here. Is he primarily an inker now? Better known for his inking than penciling?
6. First sentence of Early life and career: was he born outside of wedlock? That's what the first sentence implies. Either revise wording or make clear.
7. Throughout the Biography sections there are quite a few poorly connected threads/thoughts. Scan the phrasing to make sure everything reads correctly.
   i.e., "He took an interest in comic strips via the Mexican magazine Paquin at the age of nine (the magazine featured American strips and 'the Underwater Empire by Argentinian cartoonist Carlos Clemen)." reads better as "At the age of nine, Williamson displays an initial interest in comic strips by reading the Mexican magazine Paquin, which reprints American work alongside original Mexican stories." That's still not great, but you get the idea (I hope).
8. In each decade you seem to have a list ("Some notable work from that period include" sort). Try to assimilate this information into the article more fluidly.
9. Personal life is too short. This information belongs in the lead and can easily be worked into the appropriate Biography subsection.
10. Influences is also too short and, to be honest, unimportant. I'd simply remove this list of artists that Williamson has influenced.
11. "Selected Works" should probably be altered to "Further Reading" or the sort. Remove the "as inker" mini-list.
12. Consider changing the template used for Footnotes to {{Reflist|2}}. It just makes things look tidier.
13. Be a tad more selective with the External links, most of them should be Footnotes and that's all. Also use more descriptive titles and impose a bit of organization to their order.

Thanks for the great comments Hornoir - if anybody wants to tackle these points on the article, by all means, feel free to do so. --Scott Free (talk) 02:18, 8 June 2009 (UTC)

I recommend reducing the number of non-free images. Just keep the ones that you have specific commentary on. If that's none, keep maybe 3. - Peregrine Fisher (talk) (contribs) 03:32, 21 August 2009 (UTC)