Wikipedia:Peer review/American Idiot (musical)/archive1

American Idiot (musical)

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'm looking for specific suggestions for cleaning up this article and making it closer to the "Featured" ideal

Thanks, Fryede (talk) 17:56, 3 May 2010 (UTC)

Brianboulton comments: This is a good start, but the article does not seem to be complete and will require considerable further work.

• There are two disambiguation links: Berkeley and Michael Mayer
• What is the current position on the copyright status of the playbill?
• General point: there seems to be something missing from the article, in that there is no "Background" section which gives the story of how a concept album became a musical. After the lead we jump straight to the Berkeley tryout. A lot must have happened between, and a section needs to be written to cover this.
• Lead: the purpose of the lead is to summarise the whole article. The present lead does not do this, since it makes no reference to the musical's Reception section; it will need to be extended further when the Background section is in place.
• Lists: the article is rather listy at the moment - Broadway cast, list of musical numbers, awards and nominations. A listing of the musical numbers is unavoidable, but the other information would be better given in prose form.
• Prose: because of the additional work that needs to be done on the article I haven't gone through all the prose in detail, but here are some points from the lead:-
  • First sentence, too much information, too many clauses. Needs splitting, for clarity.
  • The phrase "the group's next album" is problematic. It won't be their "next" album for long.
  • "After a run at the Berkeley Repertory Theatre beginning in September 2009, the show moved to Broadway, beginning previews at the St. James Theatre on March 24, 2010 and officially opening on April 20, 2010." Sentence needs redrafting to avoid the "beginning" repetition. Suggest "After a run at the Berkeley Repertory Theatre beginning in September 2009, the show moved to Broadway, with previews at the St. James Theatre from March 24 2010 before the official opening on April 20, 2010."
  • This sentence seems vague and weak: "Also, most of the cast members at one point or another play the guitar."
• After the first 2, references are not properly formatted. Help on this is available at WP:REF or WP:REFB. Or you can look at the first two and see how they were done.

As I am not able to watch peer reviews at the moment, please contact my talkpage if you wish to raise queries from this review. Brianboulton (talk) 22:06, 10 May 2010 (UTC)

Thanks, this was helpful. I've implemented most of your suggestions and I look forward to more feedback from other reviewers. Fryede (talk) 00:15, 11 May 2010 (UTC)