Wikipedia:Peer review/Anjem Choudary/archive1

Anjem Choudary

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because… the subject is a notable public figure, page visits are relatively high right now, and it needs tightening up. I've done a very significant rework of the article this week, but I'm concerned that its weighted very much against Choudary. This is because I cannot find anyone who has anything nice to say about him, anywhere. Maybe this reflects the general view of him, but still, it needs looking at to remove any sign of bias that might exist.

Thanks, Parrot of Doom 14:13, 7 January 2010 (UTC)

Yes, I can see that he would be difficult to write about.

• intro can explain Islam4UK better. 'group...advocating British shari'a'? Would replace later mention.
  • I've inserted a line from the Islam4UK article, unfortunately the source is dead right now, either its been taken down or is subject to attacks. Parrot of Doom 15:36, 9 January 2010 (UTC)
• http://islam4uk.com/ is dead?
  • See above Parrot of Doom 15:36, 9 January 2010 (UTC)
• more personal background. Is he the children of immigrants? Is he nth generation British? The difference is major: if the latter, then the reader knows that part of his image will be as a race traitor, a quisling, a Hanoi Jane; if the former, then he will be seen as ungrateful foreign immigrant scum
  • Nothing is available right now. There's a quote from a college friend which claims he is of Pakistani heritage, but I can't really use that as a reliable source until the journalist says so. Hes certainly British though. Parrot of Doom 15:39, 9 January 2010 (UTC)
• a picture is important in general, and especially if you can't deliver on the previous
  • Hopefully someone will get one, if the march proceeds. Parrot of Doom 15:39, 9 January 2010 (UTC)
• how was he radicalized? Like an article about Saul of Tarsus without his vision...
  • Through his meeting with Bakri, but that's about all we have right now. Parrot of Doom 15:39, 9 January 2010 (UTC)
• 'Al-Muhajiroun' doesn't follow any clear narrative; sectionize maybe
  • Yeah, this is a bit of a problem. He's relatively 'new' with regards to notability, so I'm waiting for journalists to do the work, so I can fill it out. I have access to Newsbank so I'm still looking. Parrot of Doom 15:43, 9 January 2010 (UTC)
• 'Choudray said "You may see one or two coffins being returned to the UK every other day, but when you think about the people of Afghanistan its a huge number in comparison', "its"? This quoted right? or 'Choudary stated that the proposed march was to "engage the British publics minds on the real reasons why their soldiers are returning home in body bags and the real cost of the war.'
  • Fixed, thanks Parrot of Doom 15:43, 9 January 2010 (UTC)
• "Views" section seems to be nothing of the sort - just more personal history
  • It's a good point. I'm trying to build a narrative, in the same way as I did with Nick Griffin. I may have to look at cutting back some of this, but I'm trying to piece together his views from his actions. Parrot of Doom 15:43, 9 January 2010 (UTC)
• likewise, 'personal life' contains much matter about his early days that one would expect to go into the section on his early life. --Gwern (contribs) 00:02 9 January 2010 (GMT)
  • I'm uncomfortable doing that - the reports of his student days are clearly done in a negative light. I'd rather plot a path from his education, through his actions, associations, views, and then leave the personal criticism up to the end. Parrot of Doom 15:43, 9 January 2010 (UTC)