Wikipedia:Peer review/Centennial Flame/archive1

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Centennial Flame[edit]

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I've listed this article for peer review because I am planning on upgrading this to GA and I need some feedback as to where to start.

Thanks, Aknell4 (talk · contribs) 13:36, 9 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Wetrorave[edit]

In my opinion the article is lacking in the 'broad' GA criterion, and would be benefited from an expansion. You can add the Find sources template at the talk page of it and research more about the monument from there.

Other comments below.

Infobox and lead[edit]
  • Infobox: "100th anniversary of Canadian Confederation" → "100th anniversary of the Canadian Confederation"
  • "the 100th anniversary of Confederation." → "the 100th anniversary of the Canadian Confederation."
  • Remove the ref at the lead per WP:LEAD, and cite that info on the body of the article but do not remove the info itself from the lead (only the citation)
  • For an expansion of the Lead section, add this to the source code: First lit in January 2017, the Flame works with [[natural gas]], presenting a fountain that does not freeze in winter. Any money thrown into it serves as a donation for people with disabilites, some of whom have won over $5,000.
History[edit]
  • "The Flame was first lit" → "The Centennial Flame was first lit"
  • "as the climax of the" – wikilink climax to Climax (narrative)
  • "He was joined on the hill by leader of the Opposition and former Prime Minister, John Diefenbaker, and Secretary of State, who was in charge of the Centennial, Judy LaMarsh as well as thousands of onlookers." – this sentence confuses me as to whether who is who. I'd suggest cutting the "who was in charge of the Centennial" part unless it's necessary, and adding a comma after Judy LaMarsh
  • "This Centennial Flame" → "The Flame"
  • "stands today.[4] It is located near" → "stands today, near"
  • "(the centre gate), in front" → "(the centre gate). It is located in front"
  • "and Centre Block.[4] The Centre Block is" → "and Centre Block,[4] the latter of which is"
  • "the House of Commons, the Senate" → "the House of Commons and the Senate" + remove the part from "serves as" to "MPs and Senators" since it's off-topic
  • "ways; for example the re-enactment" → "ways, including a re-enactment"
  • "the Battle of the Thames, the building of a destroyer out of match sticks, etc." → "the Battle of the Thames and a building featuring a destroyer made out of match sticks."
About the monument[edit]
  • Retitle to "Design"
  • "The Centennial Flame is encompassed" → "The monument is encompassed"
  • Merge the second paragraph with the first, since both deal with the fountain
  • "bad weather[8] or for maintenance purposes.[9]" → "bad weather or for maintenance purposes.[8][9]" per WP:FOOTNOTE
References[edit]
  • Some refs use d-m-y date format, others use m-d-y, others use yyyy-mm-dd. Use a consistent style for all of them
  • Links [1] and [2] of refs 5 and 6 respectively should be in the URL parameter of the Cite web template
Others[edit]

That's it for me. Wetrorave (talk) 01:30, 16 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]

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