Wikipedia:Peer review/Chew (comics)/archive1

Chew (comics)

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because…

I've spent a lot of my spare time updating this page and making it look as good as possible. I would like any comments or suggestions that anyone would like to give and also I would love it if someone would upgrade the article's standing by the criteria shown on the discussion page!

Thanks, Rich

• The lead needs to be expanded. It must be a summary of the entire article.
• Expressions such as "Eisner Award-winning" are avoided. Use "The comic won the Eisner Award" instead.

Ruhrfisch comments: Sounds like an interesting comic - thanks for your work on this (and sorry to be so slow in reviewing this). Here are some suggestions for improvement.

• A model article is useful for ideas and examples to follow. There are about 22 Featured Articles (FAs) in WikiProject:Comics, but only four of them are about actual comic books (all longer than this story, and in most cases originally published as several issues, later collected in one volume). The four best model FAs for this article are: Bone Sharps, Cowboys, and Thunder Lizards, Fun Home, The Halo Graphic Novel, and Watchmen. Note that this does not mean this article has to ever become FA or a Good Article (GA) or slavishly follow any of these, but they may be helpful models.
• Looking at each of the four FAs, while each article is differently structured, they all seem to try and follow chronological order for background and composition of the comic book, plot, and critical reception and susbsequent history (reprints, etc.). I think it would help this article to add some on the composition and perhaps organize it more along these lines.
• Another thing I noticed is that the majority of the material in the article is about the book itself (plot, characters, locations, powers), which is fine, but it is also useful to expand the article with more material about what others have said about it. How did it come to be written? What have critics said about the style / artwork? Again the models will be helpful for ideas.
• I also noticed that much of the article is written from an in-universe perspective, when the Manual of Style says to write about works of fiction from an out-of-universe perspective. As one example, "The Gardner-Kvashennaya International Telescope is one of the three most powerful telescopes in the world." makes it sounds like this is a real telescope, when it does not exist except as a plot device in this comic. Same holds true for all the Food Related Powers. Please see WP:IN-U
• I think the locations and powers as sections could be cut back and combined with Plot or CCharatcers or perhaps put into some sort of Background section.
• The article has a lot of short (one or two sentence) paragraphs and sections - this interrupts the narrative flow. These should be combined with others wherever possible or perhaps expanded.
• The current lead is too short. A lead should be an accessible and inviting overview of the whole article. As a summary, nothing important should be in the lead only - since it is a summary, it should all be repeated in the body of the article itself.
• My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way, so that is one way to expand the lead - Please see WP:LEAD
• Article needs more references in palces. My rule of thumb is that every quote, every statistic, every extraordinary claim and every paragraph needs a ref.
• Internet refs need URL, title, author if known, publisher and date accessed. {{cite web}} and other cite templates may be helpful. See WP:CITE and WP:V
• Section headers have to follow WP:HEAD (capitalization)
• Avoid contractions like "It's" as they are unencylcopedic
• Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia:Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in all peer reviews, in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 04:17, 16 March 2011 (UTC)

I relly liked what you did, I tried to change the discussion page, but it didnt work. Sorry -Chuck