Wikipedia:Peer review/Cleveland Bay/archive1

Cleveland Bay

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because…I would like to take it to FAC in the near future and would like to know what more could be done to improve the article before that. The article went through a GA review earlier this year, and has recently been expanded with a new source I was able to get my hands on. Pointing out overly-horsey jargon in the article would be particularly helpful.

Thanks, Dana boomer (talk) 00:05, 14 November 2009 (UTC)

• Since the breed originated in England, I suggest using British spelling. No biggie for me, but I'm sure somebody at FAC will object due to that. Are there any medical issues common to the breed? If so, that info is needed in the article prior to FAC. Better subsectioning of the history section based on themes would help. Suggestions: ===Development===, ===Establishment===, ===Decline===. A ==Registration== section might also be needed. But other than that, the writing is informative and engaging and the photos and their presentation excellent. Overall, seems to mostly conform to the standard set by recent Equine FAs. --mav (Please help review Mono-Inyo Craters)

• You are correct that British spelling would be better. I am hopeless at seeing the differences between the two, but will ask one of the British horse editors to take a look at the article with regards to BEng/AmEng spelling. I've re-split the history section, along the lines that you suggested, although not following them exactly. I don't like the look of a lot of short subsections, so I ended up only splitting it into three. Dana boomer (talk) 13:00, 23 November 2009 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: I agree that this looks pretty good, here are some nitpicky suggestions for improvement. I am not a horse person and thought before I looked at the article that it was about a bay of water ;-)

• Two problems - missing word? Plus you refer to the horse in both the singular and plural "Bay is" but "their coloring", then "It is a wll-muscled horse" The Cleveland Bay is [a?] breed of horse originating in Great Britain during the 17th century, named after their coloring and the Cleveland district of Yorkshire in England. It is a well-muscled horse...
• Could the rough number of horses be given in the lead? As it is, the first paragraph ends with Despite serious declines in the population after World War II, the breed has experienced a resurgence in popularity since the 1970s. which makes it sound like there are a lot of them, but then the second paragraph ends with The Cleveland Bay is a rare breed, and both the United Kingdom-based Rare Breeds Survival Trust and the United States-based American Livestock Breeds Conservancy consider the population to be at critical limits for extinction. which makes it sound like there are very few of them. I think an actual number would help clarify this.
• How does a bright bay differ from all the rest - could it be explained a bit? Why is it alone in quotes? "Bright bay" horses are the most preferred by breeders, followed by ordinary bay, dark bay and then light bay.[1]
• I would wikilink Outcrossing
• I think the MOS prefers to spell out per cent (BE) in things like ...Australasian registry refers to part breds as Sporthorses, although they still require at least 25% Cleveland Bay blood.[8]
• Unclear which creatures' home country is meant by the "their" in The Barb blood came mainly from horses imported by wealthy young men on their Grand Tour of Europe, bought off the docks in Marseilles and tra[n]sported back to their home country.[14] (men or horses) (found a typo too)
• I do not think of 1785 as "early England" in This was due to a need for strength more than speed on the farms and poor roads of early England. why not say 18th century instead?
• Add Cleveland Bay? The horses were of interest to Buffalo Bill Cody, who drove four [Cleveland Bay?] stallions in his Wild West Show.[20]
• That was all I could find - hope they do not die out, they are handsome horses.

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 05:14, 23 November 2009 (UTC)

• Thanks for your comments, Ruhrfisch! I've made all of the changes you suggested. If you have any further suggestions, please let me know. Dana boomer (talk) 22:56, 24 November 2009 (UTC)