Wikipedia:Peer review/Coat of arms of Albany, New York/archive1

Coat of arms of Albany, New York

This peer review discussion has been closed.
This is a recently-passed GA that could still use another review. What it really needs is a review by somebody that has some expertise in heraldry, as the terminology in the Description section may not be completely appropriate from a heraldic point of view (and I am not an expert). As noted in the FAC (which was closed because of the fact that I had another FAC open; it wasn't a speedy close), a technical type of review could be very useful, as I'd like to bring this to FA level. Thanks in advance for any help. upstateNYer 01:25, 15 November 2010 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: I'm not the expert on heraldry you were hoping for. Nonetheless, here are some comments and suggestions.

Lead

• The direct quote in the lead needs a citation right after its terminal period.
  •  Done
• Link sloop in the lead? Link beaver? Add (Indian) after Native American? Consider using Native American (Indian) in the infobox as well?
  •  Done I've replaced each use of "Native American" with "American Indian"; I forgot to follow my own rules. As far as I'm concerned, the naming choice for the National Museum of the American Indian is enough to know what that group wants itself to be known by. upstateNYer 00:04, 29 November 2010 (UTC)

History of the city seal

• Fancy quotes are deprecated by the Manual of Style, which suggests using blockquotes instead. WP:MOSQUOTE has details.
  •  Fixed
• I'd suggest moving the seals down in this section to avoid making a text sandwich between the seals and the infobox. If space is too short for that to look good, you might try making a double image of the seals. The template for a double image lives at Template:Double image.
  • How do you suggest I use the double image template? What would this do that the current set up does not? upstateNYer 00:04, 29 November 2010 (UTC)
• "In 1755 the original seal (Figure 1) was reinstated for use by the mayor in licensing business." - "Businesses" might be slightly more clear than "business". I had to read the sentence twice to make sure it did not mean "in his licensing business".
  •  Fixed

Description

• Several sentences in this section have modifying clauses that don't modify the noun they're attached to. Here's an example: "The upper half depicts a beaver on a silver background gnawing at the stump of a fallen tree, representing Beverwyck's former fur trade, which was vital to the development of Albany." One problem here is that the tree doesn't represent the former fur trade, although this is suggested by the juxtaposition of "tree" and the modifying clause. The sentence also suggests that the background was gnawing at the stump. I'd suggest recasting these sentences for clarity. This one could become "The upper half, which has a silver background, depicts a beaver gnawing at the stump of a fallen tree. This scene represents Beverwyck's former fur trade, which was vital to the development of Albany."
  • Check the updates out; did some wording changes and added some appropriate wikilinks that I think I meant to add in the past. Feel free to make you own edits if mine didn't get at what you were aiming. upstateNYer 00:13, 29 November 2010 (UTC)
• Would it be useful in this section to remind readers that Native American (Indian) mean the same thing in this context?
  • See above.

Uses

• It would be best to avoid the text sandwich in this section. Perhaps the EIC flag could be moved down to share space with the flag of Albany?
  • Moved to multiple image template at bottom of article. Does that work for you? upstateNYer 00:04, 29 November 2010 (UTC)

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog at WP:PR; that is where I found this one. I don't usually watch the PR archives or check corrections or changes. If my comments are unclear, please ping me on my talk page. Finetooth (talk) 21:05, 28 November 2010 (UTC)