Wikipedia:Peer review/Daniel Boone/archive1

Daniel Boone

I've just completed a major revision of this article, drawing upon the 20th century biographies. Major points of disagreement between historians have been noted in the text or footnotes, especially regarding the issue of history versus folklore, a central concern in Boone historiography. All comments are welcome. • Kevin (complaints?) 06:28, 5 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Looks very good. Comprehensive, intuitively organized, and clearly written. I thought the stories of dubious factuality were well-handled. If I may be nitpicky (in a Strunk and White sort of way): the last sentence of the lead ends with an "although", so the emphasis is somehow not right. Also, the middle of "American Revolution, 1775–1783" (the paragraphs chronicling his capture, escape, and trial) is narrated differently from the rest of the article -- more imperfect than perfect tense, or something. Minor points, though; I think this article is very well constructed. -- bcasterline • talk 20:17, 5 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for your comments and compliments, and for fixing some wording problems yourself. I'll figure out a way to reword that last lead paragraph to improve it. Like you, I'm an advocate of Strunk & White's advice to keep each paragraph focused on a single topic.

Contrary to Strunk & White, however, the narration does shift from active voice to passive voice during Boone's captivity. The reason I did this is because Boone is acted upon rather than the actor during his captivity. So it's "Boone was captured by Blackfish", "Boone was watched", "Boone was adopted", etc. I could change these to "Blackfish captured Boone", "Shawnees watched Boone," etc., although this feels wrong to me, since Boone should be the subject in his own article, and the passive voice emphasizes his loss of freedom. But maybe I'm wrong. If anyone thinks the active voice should be maintained, speak up. • Kevin (complaints?) 03:34, 6 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I would recommend switching to the active voice, but it may be merely a matter of personal preference. -- bcasterline • talk 17:49, 6 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

Based upon your comments, I've reshaped the last paragraph of the lead and made some verb tense changes elsewhere. The article is better because of your input. Thank you. —Kevin 15:21, 17 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]