Wikipedia:Peer review/Days Gone Bye/archive2

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Days Gone Bye[edit]

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
This article has recently pass its GA review. I have put a lot of work into making this article, and I would like to nominate it to FA someday. I would like some feedback on the article.

Thanks, DAP388 (talk) 22:31, 13 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Jappalang
  • "'Days Gone Bye' is the first episode ... written and directed by Frank Darabont, the creator of the series. ... Robert Kirkman, the creator of the series of comic books of the same name, ..."
  • This manner of presentation in the lede can mislead readers into thinking Darabont is the creator of the entire Walking Dead franchise.
  • "his family are missing", "the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has set up", "the trio use"
    Watch the grammar. The tenses are inconsistent with the nouns.
  • "Before he leaves Rick finds fellow police officer Leon Basset (Linds Edwards)—now a zombie—and dispatches him."
    Given that we never hear about Basset earlier nor even later, this sentence is pretty much useless (the actor has no article; even if he does, what is the import?).
  • Ignoring the "actor in brackets", the Plot is at 737 words. I believe the general recommendation is 700 words unless the story is quite complicated, which this episode is not. As pointed above, some sentences seem pointless in the grand scheme of things, and there are some overly detailed portions, e.g. "encounters (and shoots)" can simply be "shoots", the last paragraph is a blow-by-blow account and can still be further summarized.
  • Kirkman's excitement in the opening of Conception is too overwhelming for an encyclopaedic article. Please tone it down. It is not needed to quote him again and again at each stage of conception. It could be done by summarizing his reactions and thoughts into one concise statement that covers all stages.
  • "... comic series creator and show executive producer Robert Kirkman ..."
    I think we are well aware (with the opening paragraph in Conception) Kirkman is the comic series creator by now. His executive producer status could have been earlier worked in as well.
  • "... was split half and embellished ..."
    I suspect there is a missing word.
  • "Bell would later become part of the main cast as a recurring character."
    Amy (Bell) died three episodes later... Is she a recurring zombie?
  • Phrases such as "gave the episode an 'A-' grade" and "gave the episode an 8.8 out of 10" do not strike me as particularly encylopaedic in tone.
  • File:DaysGoneBye.jpg: I fail to see how this image complies with WP:NFCC. "A lone horseman, wearing a cowboy hat and carrying a bag of guns, rides on an empty street. Barricades and abandoned vehicles line both sides of the road." easily describe the imagery, challenging the notion that it "cannot be described sufficiently with mere words."

The above are what caught my eye during my read-through. Jappalang (talk) 06:36, 25 November 2011 (UTC)[reply]

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