Wikipedia:Peer review/Dusha/archive1

Dusha

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to improve its quality and try to make it a featured article on wiki.

Thanks, Rubikonchik (talk) 08:59, 9 October 2009 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: This is a good start, but the article needs lots of work. Here are some suggestions.

Lead

• WP:LEAD says in part, "The lead should be able to stand alone as a concise overview of the article." It should not include important material that is not mentioned in the rest of the article. The statement "It turned into a 1981 blockbuster and was watched by more than 57 million cinema-goers in the Soviet Union" is interesting, but it is not developed in the text sections below the lead. The same is true of the Krupny Plan and the kidnap threat.

• Movie articles generally include a "Critical reception" section that tells us what reviewers thought of the movie. Information about box-office sales and video versions and sales might go here too.

• The article could use the services of an experienced copyeditor. For example, the sentence "After a thorough medical examination, the doctor forbids her to sing for at least three months or else she would lose her voice completely" is awkward and includes a dangling modifier. A copyeditor might suggest something like this: "After giving Svobodina a thorough medical examination, the doctor forbids her to sing for at least three months lest she lose her voice completely." You might be able to find a copyeditor in the list at WP:PRV#General copyediting.

• Generally a person's full name in a Wikipedia article is given on first use only; thereafter only the last name is used, not the first and not both first and last. In the Plot section, "Viktoria Svobodina" is correct on first use, but thereafter she should be referred to as Svobodina. Sofia Rotaru is correct on first use; thereafter she should be referred to as Rotaru. Mikhail Boyarsky is correct on first use; after that it's Boyarsky.

• Instead of fancy quotes, Wikipedia guidelines suggest using blockquotes. WP:MOSQUOTE has details.

• It's good to use bold letters sparingly. I'd suggest removing all the bolding from the "Cast" section. Bolding quickly loses its effect when overdone.

• It's often helpful to look at featured articles with similar subject matters to see how other editors have solved problems. You can find a list of featured articles about movies at WP:FA#Media.

• Common English words like "human" and "dignity" should not be wikilinked. Likewise, names like Sofia Rotaru should not be linked multiple times. Please see WP:OVERLINK for details.

I hope these few suggestions prove helpful. Finetooth (talk) 02:05, 21 October 2009 (UTC)