Wikipedia:Peer review/El Hatillo Municipality, Miranda/archive2

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El Hatillo Municipality, Miranda[edit]

Old peer review (May 13, 2006): Wikipedia:Peer review/El Hatillo Municipality, Miranda/archive1. The article has been expanded a lot since the old peer review 3 months ago. It is now a good article, so now I'm trying to get it to featured status.--enano (Talk) 01:22, 17 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I just saw this peer review, coincidentally after finding the article two days ago. I think it is well on the road to being FAC, but have a few comments:

  • The image Image:Hatillosatellite.png isn't effective. It doesn't really convey what it seems to be trying to convey, and might have little meaning to the reader uninitiated in the geography of Caracas. The rest of the images are very good, and give a good sense of El Hatillo, but I feel like the article would be better without that image.
  • The first thing I looked for in the article was balance (i.e.; criticism), and it's there. That's great. The traffic getting to, in and around El Hatillo is awful. Glad to see that is mentioned; the traffic issue actually could be expanded (both in and around El Hatillo, and in getting to and from El Hatillo).
  • Why are the coordinates mentioned at the top of the article, in the same line as the article title? Is that common practice in city articles? The coordinates are also in the infobox, so I'm not sure why they are mentioned at the top.
  • Lead. You have carefully avoided a "tourist-crufty" sounding lead, but the truth is, the features of El Hatillo as a day getaway from Caracas, and a desirable place to live up out of the congestion, could be expanded upon.
  • In general, the article is well referenced. There are a few statements that anyone who knows El Hatillo or Caracas knows to be true, but they might not clear FAC without a citation. If you could find a way to cite some of these, it would strengthen the article:
    • El Hatillo has one of Venezuela's best preserved typical colonial towns. True, but will FAC require an inline citation for this kind of statement? Can you contrast, for example, to Colonia Tovar or others? Can you find a citation anywhere for this?
    • The paragraph about Ana Francisca Pérez García needs citation.
    • This needs to be worked on: El Hatillo people also enjoy doing sports. La Lagunita Country Club is a very exclusive golf course in the wealthiest neighborhood in El Hatillo. Although we know it to be true, this sort of statement asks for a reference.
  • On unemployment, when trying to figure out if the 22.7% is the old number, or Chávez's redefined "new" number, I found that the reference wouldn't load (Instituto Nacional de Estadística. Aspectos Sociales y Demográficos. Retrieved on 2006-07-18. )
  • There are some minor areas where the prose needs some smoothing out: if you are interested, Enano, I will do a copy edit.
    • In the first paragraph, the uninitiated should be told that Caracas is the capital of Venezuela (yep, not everyone knows that :-)
    • The municipality receives a part of its income from tourism; on weekends, special events are organized and touristic bus trips are available. tour buses from Caracas are available.
    • Even though cCommercial areas are growing fast, [but] agriculture still remains as an economic [generates] income in the extensive rural areas of the municipality, which still represent[ing] the southern part of El Hatillo.
    • This paragraph needs prose work: In 1803 Don Baltasar and his brother-in-law donated their properties to urbanize the town. An engineer took care of the job, which included grid streets and a parish church, built in honor to Santa Rosalía de Palermo, who had supposedely saved Baltasar from a plague that killed his father in prison.[5]
    • This term needs to be explained to English-speaking readers: Tenientazgo de Justicia.
    • Some typos throughout: if you want, I'll work on them. El Hatillo limits notrh with Sucre and Baruta, and As of the year 2000, El Hatillo Municiaplity had a population of 60,744 ...
    • Those are samples (there is more), in case you want me to go in and do some copyediting.
  • This sentence stands out: Don Baltasar founded El Hatillo Town, and he is the most significant contributor to the development of the municipality. It's hard to understand how someone in the 1700s could be the most significant contributor: I'm not sure how to clear that up, but it raises a red flag. What role(s) have El Polar and La Lagunita Country Club had in the development of the region? (No mention of El Polar?) What factors have contributed to the development of the Municipality since the 1700s?
  • Need to make more clear: in History, we read that El Hatillo was separated from Baruta, Petare, and El Sucre at different times, leaving the reader confused about how those all inter-relate.
  • Under climate, can you work in something about its climate making it a desirable place to live? Because it is higher, cooler, and out of the hustle-and-bustle of Caracas, people choose to live there, even though it means fighting traffic in to Caracas. I don't know if you can find a reference for adding that kind of text.
  • Wasn't that sports complex near Centro Medico Docente La Trinidad developed as part of the Pan-American games? If so, can you mention the history?

In general, you have a very good start on a well-referenced and comprehensive article, but it needs a thorough copy edit and some clearing up some of these minor issues and citations. Sandy 17:07, 27 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]

What a great review. Thank you very much Sandy, you are truly amazing. I will address a couple of your mentioned issues which I object later. --enano (Talk) 01:27, 28 August 2006 (UTC)[reply]
Issues are being addressed here.--enano (Talk) 23:24, 12 December 2006 (UTC)[reply]
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