Wikipedia:Peer review/Fetal heartbeat bill/archive1

Fetal heartbeat bill

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I want other people to notice it and help me improve it so it can climb the quality-scale corporate ladder, possibly all the way up to good/featured article.

Thanks, Jinkinson (talk) 21:52, 27 August 2013 (UTC)

This article appears to be about fetal heartbeat legislation solely in the US. Is there such legislation in other countries? If so, it needs to be covered here, or the article needs to be moved to "Fetal heartbeat legislation in the United States" or something similar. Additional comments:

• The lead should be expanded to provide a summary of the entire body of the article, without including information not available, and sourced, in the body of the article.
• References should all include a publisher at the very least, and author names, publication dates, access dates and other information where appropriate.
• When using the name of an organization, first give the full name, followed by the acronym, then afterwards use just the acronym. For example, I see "CRR" late in the article, but can't find the acronym given after a full name, so I'm not sure exactly what it stands for.
• The Arkansas section starts out "Another such bill," but there is no mention of a previous bill, as this is the first one discussed in the section.
• The "by state" section is really choppy, because it's split into so many tiny subsections. The article is still fairly short, so more detail could be given on the bills in each state. For example, in Arkansas: When was it initially passed (before it was vetoed by the governor), and what was the process/any specific controversies regarding the state. As for the last couple of sections, that are just one or two sentences, couldn't these be combined? "Several other states have considered similar legislation. Texas yada yada yada. Wyoming yack yack yack."

Just some thoughts here. Let me know if you have any questions. Dana boomer (talk) 21:01, 5 September 2013 (UTC)

Thanks for your help. I have added a section on Ireland's abortion laws, including fetal heartbeat laws, and have also added the acronym for "Center for Reproductive Rights". One thing I'm not sure about, however, is whether I should add the template for abortion general sanctions to this article's talk page. Do you (anyone reading this) think I should? Jinkinson (talk) 21:47, 5 September 2013 (UTC)