Wikipedia:Peer review/Flea (musician)/archive1

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Flea (musician)[edit]

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This peer review discussion has been closed.
The road to FAC nears, but in order to completely quell any issues that may arise, I've started this Peer Review. I know there are some editors out there who are just dying to help. NSR77 TC 01:03, 25 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from User:WesleyDodds

Comments (more might be added with time):

  • Some of the detail from the paragraph about Frusciante and Chad Smith joining the band is unnecessary for the article. for example, instead of saying "The band held a widely-publicized audition, and hired Chad Smith—the last of over thirty to audition", just mention that Chad Smith became the new drummer. Done
  • Indicate whether Flea was acquitted of the charges at MTV Spring Break, or if the case was thrown out. Done
  • You probably don't want to mention every little guest appearance he's made, but it might be worth indicating he played on a song on Jane's Addiction's Nothing Shocking. Done
  • Listing the band's singles isn't necessary (ie. "singles "Knock Me Down" and "Higher Ground" were breaking the top ten in charts like Modern Rock Tracks.[33])" At most just mention how successful a given album is. Remember, what's important to focus on is Flea's role in the band whenever discussing the band. Done WesleyDodds (talk) 04:47, 25 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • I'll try and add some info about Flea's tour with Jane's Addiction from the Jane's Addiction bio I have.
  • Mention that one of his homes burned down. It was covered by a number of news sources. Done
  • Try to find some quotes from other musicians about Flea's bass-playing. He's well-respected among other artists; I remember during VH1's "100 Greatest Artists of Hard Rock" countdown, Fieldy of Korn talked about how Flea influenced his bass-playing.
I added something Billy Corgan said but I couldn't find anything from Fieldy. If you wouldn't mind finding the source I'll add the quote. NSR77 TC 20:13, 27 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
It's in the "100 Greatest Artists of Hard Rock" countdown on VH1 from 2000 or 2001, fourth episode (the Chili Peppers ranked at number 30). WesleyDodds (talk) 00:19, 28 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Are you sure you don't mean The Meters instead of The Meteors? The Meteors are a psychobilly band, not a funk one.
That was a mistake; thanks for fixing it. NSR77 TC 20:13, 27 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Flea's acting career: You might want to name the character Flea voices in The Wild Thornberrys, and possibly even mention his role in the lead. Just by glancing at the show's article, Flea apparently voices one of the regular characters, and is not just a guest star. Also, mention the Simpsons episode ("Krusty Gets Kancelled") and possibly his appearance on an episode of The Ben Stiller Show (I saw a rerun of it once, where Ben Stiller and Flea would do bits in-between sketches and then played a game of basketball). Replace the image in "Film and television appearances" with one of his acting roles (either a character he has played, or an appearance he has made as himself). WesleyDodds (talk) 04:47, 25 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
I did most everything except for adding the Ben Stiller bit. And Flea's role in the television show doesn't actually involve him speaking but rather strange...noises. If you look on YouTube you may find something. I couldn't find a suitable picture of him in any movie for the life of me but something will eventually turn up. NSR77 TC 20:13, 27 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]

A pretty good article overall. However, the big problem with the article is that it once it gets to the formation of the Chili Peppers, it largely becomes a history of the band with Flea's involvement discussed when appropriate. Instead, think of the Chili Peppers as the job Flea holds, and try to focus on making it more biographical. WesleyDodds (talk) 04:47, 25 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Unfortunately, his life is the Chili Peppers. Unlike Frusciante, Flea doesn't make solo records and collaborate in that form. Anything written about the Peppers in here is essential, or else the reader wouldn't understand what's going on. Kiedis' biography Scar Tissue sees him talking mainly about his early years, the Chili Peppers and his love life. Not too much else. And the "RHCP formation" section only refers to the band once. NSR77 TC 23:07, 27 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Comments from User:CloudNine

Several comments (and musings):

  • ".. , of which he is a founding member". Sounds a little awkward. Perhaps combine it with the previous clause? Done
  • I'd use Michael Balzary until he adopts the name Flea, but it's your choice here (like I did with Frank Black)
That was how the article was initially written but Grim-Gym felt it needed to be the same throughout. I'll figure it out with him. NSR77 TC 20:13, 27 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • "He rejoined Slovak to form an intended one-off band along with fellow high school alumni Anthony Kiedis and Jack Irons. This band soon evolved into the Red Hot Chili Peppers". Perhaps merge the two sentences by rephrasing the first? The second sentence sounds a little short. Done
  • "His teachers considered him to be a prodigy". Would be interesting to hear more about this. Done
This was mentioned in the Behind the Music episode and I added everything that was there. NSR77 TC 20:13, 27 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Several grammar tips:
    • "In order to" can generally be replaced with just "To"
    • "Due to" and "because of" are interchangeable, so you may want to mix the two to offer some variety.
    • (A suggestion from one of my FACs.) With quotations, it's fine to begin the sentence with the quote itself. An example from the second para of Early life: "I was raised in a very violent, alcoholic household", Flea later said, "I grew up being terrified of my parents, particularly my father figures. It caused [me] a lot of trouble later in life." It actually flows much better (and is less repetitive)
If you wouldn't mind pointing out specifics (I did whatever I could find) that'd be great. NSR77 TC 20:13, 27 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]

There'll be more to come. CloudNine (talk) 11:01, 26 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]

  • A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style. If you would find such a review helpful, please click here. Thanks, APR t 00:46, 27 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
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