Wikipedia:Peer review/Fort Saskatchewan/archive3

Fort Saskatchewan

Previous peer review

I've listed this article for peer review because I implemented feedback from a previous peer review and want to know what I should do from here. My goal is to bring the article up from Good Article to Featured Article.

Thanks, CplKlinger (talk) 00:04, 28 December 2021 (UTC)

STANDARD NOTE: I have added this PR to the Template:FAC peer review sidebar to get quicker and more responses. When this PR is closed, please remove it from the list. Also, consider adding the sidebar to your userpage to help others discover pre-FAC PRs, and please review other articles in that template. Thanks! Z1720 (talk) 04:14, 28 December 2021 (UTC)

Thank you so much, I'll certainly consider adding the sidebar to my userpage!! I have some questions about reviewing, but I'll message you on your talkpage to avoid cluttering this one :) CplKlinger (talk) 19:36, 29 December 2021 (UTC)

Comments from SandyGeorgia

My earlier review is at Wikipedia:Peer review/Fort Saskatchewan/archive2

Manual of style

• You can install this script to keep dates in order.
• No duplicate links are detected.
• The dash script returns no errors, but there is faulty dashing. See WP:EMDASH and WP:ENDASH (they are located below the edit window, in the first line of Wiki markup, where it says Insert; the first is an endash and the second is an emdash. Emdashes are never spaced on Wikipedia.
  • were lost to the fire — costing a total of $24,000 in damages ... has a spaced emdash; the correct options (which should be consistent throughout the article) are an unspaced emdash, or a spaced endash.
  • Same at ... rather than on the prison grounds themselves — providing convenient access to the prison
  • There are many more, so check throughout and switch all to either spaced endash or unspaced emdash.
• See MOS:DATERANGE: 1918-1919 Influenza Epidemic should be an endash, not a hyphen (I will fix). See also WP:MSH on upper vs lower case.
• There is still MOS:SANDWICHing, which can be resolved by moving around some images. The problems are in these sections:
  • Pre-colonization and founding, the image is sandwiching with the long infobox.
  • Fort Station Mall. One way to solve this sandwiching is to relocate the image of 100th Avenue to elsewhere in the article, which will move up the Federal Census box. You can shorten the Federal Census box by adding each citation to the data it actually cites, rather than in the footer of the box. (That would be more helpful to the reader anyway.) After you do all that, if the Fort Station Mall image is still sandwiched, you could move it to the right, so it will stack under the census box.
  • There was other SANDWICHing in the Attractions section, which I resolved by combining images
  • Take note of MOS:ACCIM, don't place images at the bottom of sections
• See WP:WIAFA, 2b, "a substantial but not overwhelming system of hierarchical section headings". The table of contents rambles. In the Public emergencies section, there are two one-paragraph sub-sections. Are those sub-sections really needed? You can also experiment with TOCLimit 3 or 4 (see my sample edit, which I self-reverted, here.

Citation formatting

• There are multiple books used, with no page numbers supplied. This will be a non-started at FAC; all book citations need page numbers. The book sources can be listed in a separate "Works cited" section, and then short notes used (eg. <ref>Ream (1974), p. 23.</ref>, or you can switch to sfns, which are much nicer for the reader and easier to use (see how the notes at Dementia_with_Lewy_bodies#References link to the Works cited).
  • Also, check all ISBNs (does Ream not have an ISBN?)
• Check your citations over carefully, there is an error here: Green, Arthur; Green (January 31, 2019). "Here is a sneak peek". Fort Saskatchewan Record. Retrieved April 1, 2020.
• Be consistent in citation formatting. For examples, HERMIS is listed two different ways:
  • "Alberta Register of Historic Places". hermis.alberta.ca. Retrieved August 16, 2020.
  • "Canadian Northern Railway Station". Heritage Resources Management Information System. September 30, 2008. Retrieved December 26, 2021.
• Consistency in page numbers; some use p for more than one page, others use pp. Examples:
  • 1949. pp. 401–414.
  • "Table 6: Population by census subdivisions, 1871–1951". Ninth Census of Canada, 1951. Volume I: Population, General Characteristics. Ottawa: Dominion Bureau of Statistics. 1953. p. 6.73–6.83.
  • "Table 6: Population by sex, for census subdivisions, 1956 and 1951". Census of Canada, 1956. Population, Counties and Subdivisions. Ottawa: Dominion Bureau of Statistics. 1957. p. 6.50–6.53.

Sourcing What makes David Murray a reliable source? See WP:SELFPUB.

Lead See WP:LEAD; it should hit all the important points of the article. Right now, it is focusing on History, while leaving out many other sections. Be sure to include the most important highlights from each major section. It could also warrant some overall expansion, while less critical information there now can be removed. For example, why is this level of detail given in the lead?

• "Its population in the 2016 federal census was 24,149, and this has since increased to 26,942 according to the city's 2019 municipal census. ---> Its population has grown slightly since the 2016 federal census to 26,942 inhabitants in 2019.

But don't get distracted working on the lead until you are completely finished with the article, and can then decide what are the most critical and compelling points to include in the lead; the goal is to summarize adequately while enticing readers to want to read more.

• "The city is best known for ... " the phrase best known for can rarely be cited, and is almost always best removed from Wikipedia leads.

The lead is not compelling, but you should focus on that later.

Prose

• 96 inmates rioted in the prison dining room on January 19, 1955, led by 12 ringleaders who barricaded themselves in the prison's bakery. ... don't start a sentence (or a paragraph :) with a number. ---> A riot in the prison dining room on January 19, 1955 involved 96 inmates and was led by 12 ringleaders, who barricaded themselves in the prison's bakery.
• See the top of my userpage for information on the overuse of however (and other useful prose tips).
• See User:Tony1's writing tips at the top of my user page, and comb the text for redundant uses of the word also.
• Artifacts and structural features have been discovered during subsequent digs, ... was there mention of an earlier dig? If not, why subsequent?
• There are places where excess detail can be trimmed ... for example, why ? "Within an hour, his body was cut from the rope ... " and why do we need to know the limo part? "gave a speech to local residents at Turner Park, and then traveled to Edmonton in a limousine." ... review throughout for similar. Part of the art of good writing is knowing what to leave out as well as what to put in.
• Another example where you can trim ... Since Fort Saskatchewan was incorporated as a town in 1904, it has had 30 residents serve as its mayor as of 2021. ---> Between 1904, when the town was incorporated, and 2021, 30 residents have served as mayor.
• Check throughout for redundancies and the need to vary wording, sample: Sherritt Gordon Mines started construction on a $25-million nickel refinery in 1952, which started production in 1954.

These are samples only but that should give you some ideas for working on the prose throughout, but for now, the absence of page numbers on the book sources will be a big challenge. When you have gotten through all of this, please do not hesitate to ping me and I will see if others will weigh in. Good luck, SandyGeorgia (Talk) 00:28, 3 January 2022 (UTC)

@CplKlinger: to ensure that they saw the above comments. Z1720 (talk) 21:38, 31 January 2022 (UTC)

||My apologies for responding so late, school has been keeping me busier than I expected for so early in the term. Sandy, I am so grateful that you took the time to write up another excellent peer review for this article. I look forward to implementing your feedback! CplKlinger (talk) 15:21, 9 February 2022 (UTC)