Wikipedia:Peer review/Game of Thrones/archive4

Game of Thrones

Previous peer review

I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to have additional editor reviews and input before another go at WP:FAC. The article has been expanded significantly since the first peer review with minimal feedback on the second and third peer reviews. Any feedback and comments are greatly appreciate to help improve the article. -- LuK3 (Talk) 00:11, 1 August 2020 (UTC)

• Just some fast comments: The 3 tables in the article are missing table captions. The Critical response table has the row scope incorrectly on the color cel which is meaningless. Also, the infobox is hidding content which it shouldn't per MOS:DONTHIDE. Either its important enough to be read, or not important enough to be added to the infobox and can be handled in the article.--Gonnym (talk) 21:17, 3 August 2020 (UTC)
  • Thank you for the comments Gonnym. I expanded the executive producer and producer parameter lists. I also added table captions to the adaptation and critical response table. The viewership table is part of the {{Television ratings graph}} template which only has one title for both tables. -- LuK3 (Talk) 01:00, 4 August 2020 (UTC)

Aza24

I'll try to come back and give some more exhaustive comments later, but two random things I noticed:

• "Language-learning company Duolingo began offering courses in High Valyrian in 2017.[169] It was reported that 1.2 million people signed up for the course between 2017 and 2020." Seems unnecessarily choppy, perhaps "Language-learning company Duolingo began offering courses in High Valyrian in 2017,[169] of which 1.2 million ("were reported to have" here? – this "reported" stuff may not be necessary) people signed up for between 2017 and 2020[170].
• Just glancing through the music section it looks like the composer used Leitmotifs, this would be worth linking to. Perhaps the line can be altered to "Djawadi composed reoccurring themes for each of the major houses..." and then "reoccurring themes" can be linked to Leitmotif.
• As a note I haven't seen Game of Thrones, so I'd be giving comments from an outside perspective, hopefully there's something gain from that. Aza24 (talk) 08:17, 24 August 2020 (UTC)

Thank you very much for your comments Aza24. I have implemented both of the changes for the "Languages" and "music" sections. If you see anything else that might need fixing/altering, please let me know. -- LuK3 (Talk) 12:51, 25 August 2020 (UTC)

Sorry if I wasn't clear, it was my plan to do a full review, it'll probably just be over the next couple of days. Aza24 (talk) 22:51, 26 August 2020 (UTC)

Oops, just saw the first part of your sentence. I'll start on your comments/suggestions tomorrow, thank you again! -- LuK3 (Talk) 01:45, 27 August 2020 (UTC)

• Based roughly -> roughly based (at least, I always see it that way)
• Can A Song of Ice and Fire be clarified as a series? The word "Storylines" makes sense if you know that it's a series, not a single work, but that's not immediately obvious. Perhaps this could be as simple as "storylines of the A Song of Ice and Fire series by..."
• Link Essos? looks like it has a decent section in its appropriate article
• Could War of succession be linked somewhere here? Not sure where would be most appropriate, perhaps "competing claimants for succession"?
• "threat of the impending winter and the legendary creatures and fierce peoples of the North" what's with the double "and" are the creatures and people and the winter from the north? If so then this would be better: "threat of the impending winter, the legendary creatures and fierce peoples of the North" if only the people and creatures are from the north then I'd do "threat of the impending winter, as well as the legendary creatures and fierce peoples of the North"
• several actors' is first used and then several actor's ?
• Would like to see the second sentence as "Several actor's contracts were again renegotiated in 2016" since otherwise two sentences in a row start with a "In year,..."
• Link House Stark and King's Landing (A Song of Ice and Fire)?
• link to the book article for the first mention of A Game of Thrones not in the lead (D. B. Weiss as well)
• link three feature films to The Lord of the Rings (film series)
• Not sure how I feel about "too grand" – is there a better adjective that could be used here?
• First mention of HBO should be linked in the text ("the series to HBO after a five-hour meeting") – same with Bryan Cogman
• Got to the themes section, more later. The prose is pretty impressive from what I'm see so far, so good work there! Aza24 (talk) 22:51, 26 August 2020 (UTC)

Aza24 thank you again for your ongoing review. I have addressed all of your comments so far. -- LuK3 (Talk) 19:47, 27 August 2020 (UTC)

• Link first use of high fantasy and would link European history later as well
• Afaik Game of thrones is rather famous for killing off so many characters and at the moment the only description of this is that it was for "developing tension among viewers". Could this be expanded upon a little – since surely this differed from many other TV series?
• "also reflects the substantial death rates in war." perhaps "also accurately reflects the substantial death rates in war." would be clearer?
• There are sometimes where you bring back in the full names of people who have already been introduced, I would recommend sticking to last names after the first introduction that's outside of the lead. The two I see the most are George R.R. Martin and David Benioff.
• "knights' tournaments" could be linked to Tournament (medieval)
• You link showrunner fairly randomly throughout, make sure only a mention in the lead and the first mention in the text is linked
• "while Dean-Charles Chapman, who played Tommen Baratheon, also played a minor Lannister character." may be more concise as "while Dean-Charles Chapman played both Tommen Baratheon and a minor Lannister character."
• I've heard people talk about a "link checker" to catch any duplicate links – I'm not sure where/what it is but that might be something to consider since I keep running into more duplicate links
• The other repeating issue I'm finding, as I kind of explained above, is the recurring introductions to so many people, like "A Song of Ice and Fire author George R. R. Martin wrote one..." you've discussed who he is in detail earlier so all that is really needed here is his last name. Likewise, Benioff and Weiss don't need to be described as the showrunners after more than the first time. More soon, even with these issues overall its still looking good Aza24 (talk) 23:13, 28 August 2020 (UTC)
• Is the "the balance" a usage of the word I'm unfamiliar with or?
• "individual novels; this enabled" -> "individual novels, enabling them" may be less choppy. Either way, the semi colon is out of place since the second part is a direct connection to the first
• would link Northern Ireland since people (Americans like me...) may assume it's part of Ireland, heh – perhaps link Malta as well since it is as easily recognizable as must countries? Who even knows, up to you
• Skimming through a little bit since I'm finding less and less prose issues
• "became more powerful after each season" – the meaning is rather ambiguous here
• not sure why "Language-learning" is capitalized
• "more so than Lady Gaga's, Justin Bieber's, Harry Potter's or Star Wars'" is a rather awkward phrasing perhaps "more so than those of Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber..." would work better
• I couldn't find anything else that stood out to me. Granted I read the rest of it pretty fast, I was finding less and less to say as I went on so continuing to go at a slow pace didn't seem worth it. Aza24 (talk) 23:49, 29 August 2020 (UTC)

Thank you again Aza24, I have implemented most of your suggestions. There are a few statements without references which I will add today but overall I think the article is in good shape. -- LuK3 (Talk) 13:57, 30 August 2020 (UTC)

I agree, good work here. I'll keep an eye out for it at FAC! Aza24 (talk) 05:38, 31 August 2020 (UTC)