Wikipedia:Peer review/Goldfrapp/archive3
Goldfrapp[edit]
- A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for April 2009.
This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to eventually nominate it for FA status. Thanks, Underneath-it-All (talk) 02:06, 12 April 2009 (UTC)
Ruhrfisch comments: Interesting article, what is here is pretty well done, but I think it needs some work before FAC. Here are some suggestions for improvement.
- I think it is odd that all of the photos are of just one member of a two-person group - she is the better looking one, but it seems an issue of WP:WEIGHT. Since there are at least three images on Commons showing both Will Gregory and Alsion Goldfrapp or just him - why not use one of those too?
- I realize that the fact that the group is named Goldfrapp and one of the members is Alison Goldfrapp makes it difficult to refer to her or the band unambiguously, but the article needs to do a better job on being consistent on the name used for Alison Goldfrapp. I think the word "Goldfrapp" alone should be sued to refer exclusively to the group, but sentences like The studio's walls were covered in neon lights and Goldfrapp used them to write down her song ideas.[16] are unclear until we reach "her". The singer Alison Goldfrapp is referred to as "Alison Goldfrapp", "Alison", and just "Goldfrapp". Somehow calling her "Alison" sounds too familiar and not encylopedic to me, and we have already ruled out calling her just "Goldfrapp" to avoid confusion with the band, so I think calling her "Alison Goldfrapp" throughout is best. You may think differently (perhaps you prefer just "Alison") but pick a naming system and stick with it consistently (obviously first use and direct quotations may be exceptions).
- Article seems generally well referenced, but for this sentence: The band's sound has progressed from an ambient sound in Felt Mountain, through electronic music in Black Cherry to a more glam rock sound in Supernature, and most recently to a blend of ambient, folk, and electronic in Seventh Tree. However, they have experimented with other genres of music, such as cabaret ("Satin Chic"), electroclash ("Slide In", "Koko"), folk ("Clowns") and bossa nova ("Human").
- Writing is decent, but needs some polish before FAC - for example, watch verb tenses in sentences like The album featured Alison Goldfrapp's synthesized vocals over cinematic soundscapes[11] and is influenced by a variety of music styles including cabaret, folk, and electronic music.[12] (since it is featured, why not was influenced?)
- Another clunky sentence Following several months of phone calls, they decided to form a musical band and began performing under Goldfrapp's last name.[9] " form a musical band" sounds odd perhaps just "form a band" or "form a musical group"? Perhaps it would read more smoothly as something like Following several months of phone calls, they decided to form a band and began performing, taking Goldfrapp's last name for the name of their group.[9]
- I don't write music articles, but it seems to me that this article needs more on critical reception. For example the section on Seventh Tree has a few reviewers' quotes on two of the singles, but nothing directly on the overall album.
Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 17:46, 27 April 2009 (UTC)