Wikipedia:Peer review/Grant Park Music Festival/archive1

Add links
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Grant Park Music Festival[edit]

Toolbox
Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch peer review

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I think this has distant WP:FA potential and immediate WP:GA potential. I would like feedback to improve the article.TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 23:19, 22 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Note: Peer review is backlogged at the moment, which could mean delays of up to two weeks before articles can be reviewed. You can help, by choosing one of the articles in the backlog, and reviewing it. Please consider doing this.

I'll do a detailed review of the article later today. See below.

In the meanwhile, here are some suggestions based on an automated analysis of the article's wikitext: --Darkwind (talk) 16:10, 30 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]

I removed the semi-automated peer review (SAPR) because it should not be included here for the following reasons: 1) when the SAPR is included here, this peer review request does not show up at WP:PR for others to see it and make comments; 2) this saves space at WP:PR; and 3) this follows the directions above, i.e. "Please do not ... paste in semi-automated peer reviews below: link to them instead." Thanks, Ruhrfisch ><>°° 20:25, 5 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]

✗ Not done - I see that you've already gone ahead and nominated the article for consideration at WP:GAC. Since they will do a formal review anyway, I won't be doing a more detailed peer review. However, I'll leave the request open in case someone else would like to do one. --Darkwind (talk) 22:38, 30 April 2010 (UTC)[reply]
The GAC is done except for one outstanding image issue. It could still use some PR advice for an FAC run.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 20:45, 5 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by H1nkles

I see that this has sat at peer review for quite some time. I will endeavor to provide a review for its run at FAC.

Lead

  • This sentence is a bit awkward:
"The 2004 season in which the festival moved to the Pritzker Pavilion was the 70th season for the festival."
Consider rewriting thus, "In 2004 the festival celebrated its 70th season by moving to Pritzker Pavilion." The problem with the original version is that there are two subjects, the 2004 season and the move to Pritzker. The wording is also a bit awkward.
Although there was only one subject previously because you had misread it as typed above, I have changed it to the following with a subordinated parenthetical phrase to make clear the subject as follows: "The 2004 season, during which the festival moved to the Pritzker Pavilion, was the 70th season for the festival."--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 05:26, 17 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]
Ok, sounds good. H1nkles (talk) citius altius fortius 16:32, 21 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "The festival is currently housed...." No need for "currently", given the context of the sentence the reader knows it is present tense.
  • "...the Loop community area of Chicago in Cook County, Illinois, United States." I'd remove cook county, illinois and US. The reader is already told that the festival is located in Illinois and the US in the previous paragraph. I don't think the county Chicago resides in is necessary information.
  • Petrillo Music Shell is spelled out three times in two sentences. Can at least one of these instances be removed?
  • This sentence is a bit wordy:
"Recently, the festival has reached an agreement that has availed some of the productions to the public via mass-produced and publicly-marketed compact disk recordings."
Perhaps this might help trim it down: The festival organizers have agreed to release some of the concerts to the public via compact disk recordings.
Fixed.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 23:41, 14 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Funding

  • There are a few linked words I would de-link. Words like advertising, marketing, and auditions. They're terms in common English usage.
  • Is the term "festival" a proper noun in this context? There are times in the article when it is capitalized and times when ti isn't. There should be consistency here.
  • Who is Kalmar mentioned in this section? I see no earlier mention of this name.

History

  • I like this section, it moves quickly and doesn't bog down to much.
  • I'm not sure what the information about the Boston music festival really has to do with this article though. Is it affiliated with the Chicago festival in some way? If not I'd remove the information.
    • This festival claims in some literature to be the only remaining free classical music series. But in recent years Boston has begun producing one.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 00:02, 15 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • "At the end of the Grant Park Music Festival season in August, the Festival's Grant Park Orchestra and Carlos Kalmar presented Pulitzer Prize-winning composer John Adams' On the Transmigration of Souls, which was written at the request of the New York Philharmonic to honor the victims of the September 11 attacks." This sentence does not specify the year in which it ocurred. I read from the caption of the photo of John Adams that it happened in 2005, but this should be specified in the article.
  • I count Carlos Kalmar being linked three times, twice in this section and once in the performances section. One time is enough. I cound four links of John Adams (including the photo caption). Lily Pons is linked three times (including the photo caption).
  • Is there any information as to why the festival had to move when it did?

Performances

  • To me some of the information in this history section is duplicated here. Can some of the performers in the history section be removed and covered in this section. This is entirely my opinion though so forget it if you disagree.
    • I have tried to strike a good balance. I think it would take someone more expert than me to rearrange it any better. I am apt to leave it as it is.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 00:00, 21 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]
  • This sentence is awkward:
"Beginning in the 1950s Chicago Mayor Richard J. Daley almost annually greeted the opening night crowds during his 21-year tenure."
It sounds like Daly "almost" greeted people on opening night. I know the intent was that he greeted people on opening night of "almost" every year in his 21-year tenure. Consider this rewrite: "...Daley greeted the opening night crowds nearly every year during his 21-year tenure."
Thanks.--TonyTheTiger (T/C/BIO/WP:CHICAGO/WP:FOUR) 23:20, 22 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Reception

Notes

Overall

  • I think the article is certainly passed the GA standards but has some work to do to get it to FA level.
  • There are several images and I did not do an image review, primarily because I am not very versed in the nuances of copyright issues. You may run into criticism of the image use per WP:ACCESS.

This concludes my review. If you have specific questions or comments please leave them on my talk page as I don't routinely watch review pages. Best of luck to you. H1nkles (talk) citius altius fortius 18:16, 12 May 2010 (UTC)[reply]

Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Wikipedia:Peer_review/Grant_Park_Music_Festival/archive1&oldid=1078820393"